Oh, the Humanity . . . Stuck Drinking a White Burg, with no A/C, no Car and No food . . .

WINE TALK
1

Perhaps some apophenia here +1.

I’ve been blighted not thrice, but quadruple.

The Deer Slayer truck is in the shop with a 17k repair bill. So my wife and I carpool to the beach for the weekend, coming back tonight and her newish Audi truck breaks down. Like full shut down. Pulled off on the side of a highway, an exit about 12 miles from the Orlando house, pitch black country road. Roll to an apartment complex at like 10 mph. Car dies. Now mind you, we have two big dogs in the truck, full luggage, and food. Call Uber Black and beg admission with pets. Dude rolls up in a Dodge Caravan, Alfert has clearly hit rock bottom. Load up and we are rolling home, the big golden, Ranger, even licks the Uber driver, I kid you not. He got a big tip. And lick.

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Get home at 8:30 or so, happy as a clam. Walk into a sweltering house. The A/C is broke. Dead broke. And it’s 80 and balmy outside. Since the extent of my mechanical skills is flipping all the switches in the breaker box, I do that, but alas, no A/C.

And the fridge was not working either. All food hot, spoiled. We have no food, no A/C, no car. And it’s too hot for red wine or whisky.

Bacchus graced us with a functioning wine fridge. Break out a young but tasty 2020 Domaine Louis Michel Chablis 1er Cru Butteaux. Tonight this wine is 100 points. No note necessary.

But for the Burg, I’ve hit rock bottom. Shirtless, slight gut from the Boy’s weekend in Highland hanging over my linen shorts, sweating a bit, eating crackers, and my beloved Dove bars are all melted. The bottle will be finished shortly . . . .

100 points on the Burg.

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2

I wish you luck tomorrow.

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3

Now that’s some shit, I don’t want to hear anyone complaining about their petty problems anymore :slight_smile:

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4

Did u say Dodge Caravan? :metal::heart_eyes::metal:

5

I still have night sweats about you pulling into my enclave in that thing, me having to tell the neighbors you were the chef. Really bad memories. Now the wines you brought, always top shelf!!

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6

Counselor,

Are there no hotels in fabulous Orlando?

Have you no Four Seasons?

No Ritz?

No Disney Epcot Center?

All will house you for a fee that is likely smaller than your hourly rate.

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7

You forget the large dogs. Limits one’s hotel choices.

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8

Forget it Jake, it’s Florida.

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9

Hahahaha…I love a great self deprecating story. Hope everything works out tomorrow.

I do have to ask…wtf happened to the Rover that costs 17k?

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10

There is a Seussian rhythm to your lyrics.

Alfert appreciates that. Alfert I am.

I do not like a hot house
Or the absence of roasted grouse
I do not like to sweat
Or see the suffering of my pet
I do not like a night
Without a fine red for my wight
I consider it a blight
As I am alight
I do not like this heat
The rock bottom of my beat
I do not like it, Alfert I am.

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11

Well the best part of that story is, I had to pay $299 for the diagnostic to tell me the laundry list of things that add up to 17k.

And then deal with the condescending but rather attractive service lady that made me feel like the poors, as if I should have never even been allowed to drive this royal truck.

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The Four Seasons allows pets. I speak from experience.

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13

And this is where our thought processes diverge. That’s not a royal truck! That’s a royal fuck(ing).

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And you pay - and pay dearly - for this “enjoyment”!

15

From what I’ve heard, 17k for repairs to a Land Rover is routine maintenance level expense.

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16

It’s a pisser, a full bottle of DRC that I have to blow on this service call.

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17

I used to be a Volvo guy, but got tired of the huge grin on the service consultant’s face when he routinely told me that what I thought was a standard repair cost $4k.

My town (unfortunately we are not alone) seems to have a problem with cars getting stolen out of peoples driveways. If I got a $17k repair bill, I’d leave it in the driveway with the windows down and the keys in the car!

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18

Wasn’t that just about exactly what the deer cost?

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19

My foray into Mercedes Benz ownership ended a couple months after my warranty had expired and the service.tech explained that the part that had caused my a/c to fail was relatively cheap, but they would have to remove the engine. With labor it would be more than 6k.

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20

The deer was 29k, but insurance covered. I had to cover the Country Suites Inn in Tifton GA and the driver to get home over Thanksgiving weekend. And then got my truck back 3 months later.