17 Signs You're a Wine Snob (article by Chantal Martineau made into a poll)

WINE TALK
1

Which ‘snob signs’ are applicable to you?

  • 1 (decant)
  • 2 (dream house)
  • 3 (stemware)
  • 4 (bowl grip)
  • 5 (wine on plane)
  • 6 (every good vintage)
  • 7 (bad vintages)
  • 8 (collect more)
  • 9 (points)
  • 10 (old bottles)
  • 11 (taste dirt)
  • 12 (swirling tic)
  • 13 (boysenberry, et al)
  • 14 (fancy openers)
  • 15 (screw top)
  • 16 (wine list)
  • 17 (budget)

0 voters

This article by Chantal Martineau - from Food Republic - I figured I might turn into a poll, and allow members to choose any or all. (I made the poll so you can change your votes as well)

  1. You decant like a fiend. In fact, you think nothing of calling a restaurant a day ahead of your reservation to ask them to decant the bottle you intend to drink at a prescribed hour to give it time to breathe before your arrive. You have even requested they use a specific decanter that you feel does a better job than their lesser vessels.

  2. Your dream house is about 17% wine cellar. In the meantime, while you’re still living in your cramped one-bedroom apartment in the city, you’ve resigned yourself to monthly energy bills of at least $300 so that you can run your four mini wine fridges continuously.

  3. You not only insist on the correct stemware, but audibly cringe at the use of tumblers, generic wine glasses, goblets, cups and those god-awful stemless wine glasses that have somehow weaseled their way into polite society.

  4. When a fellow dining companion grips his or her glass at the bowl instead of the stem, leaving grubby little fingerprints all over it and perceptibly raising the wine’s temperature a half-degree from ideal, you gasp. Occasionally, such a transgression will cause you to have to excuse yourself to collect yourself in the ladies’/men’s room.

  5. You take wine with you on the plane. But because of current regulations, you’re forced to carry a dozen 3-oz. bottles. Actually, this is a really smart way to travel and your non-wine snob friends should take note.

  6. You know every good vintage of Burgundy, Bordeaux and Napa in recorded history. And everyone knows you know this because you take every remotely relevant opportunity to remind them. Remembering friends’ and family birthdays, however, is beyond you.

  7. You don’t buy wine from bad years and you don’t understand wine geeks who find this to be a fun challenge.

  8. You collect more wine than you drink.

  9. You won’t collect anything below 94 points.

  10. You prefer to collect bottles that are older than you are or at least would have reached puberty were they people.

  11. On your last trip to wine country, you tasted the vineyard dirt, then quickly spat it out realizing this is more of a hippie wine geek thing to do.

  12. You’ve developed a swirling tic. It causes you to swirl everything – coffee, water, empty air, your two-year-old niece.

  13. You can detect boysenberry, slate, coconut, honeysuckle, a hint of nutmeg, a soupçon of baby feet and just the echo of a whisper of puppy breath in a wine. All on the nose, of course. Don’t even get you started on the mid-palate.

  14. You believe butterfly corkscrews, rabbits and other idiot-proof bottle-opening devices are harbingers of evil and that the only civilized way to uncork a bottle of wine is an old-fashioned sommelier’s corkscrew or, in the case of champagne, a saber.

  15. You won’t even touch screw-top wine. You’ve heard nasty rumors about wine being stored in boxes, but refuse to accept this as true.

  16. If the wine list is delivered to someone else at your table and they don’t immediately pass it to you for you to make your inevitably wise and insightful selection, you are at very serious risk of having a conniption. If someone else actually orders the wine instead of you, they can expect you to utterly lose your shit and flip the table, Real Housewives of New Jersey–style.

  17. Your annual wine budget is on par with your car payments. And you have absolutely no problem with that. (admin note: this has GOT to mean annual payments for wine compared with annual payments for car)

2

I’m a miserable failure as a wine snob. [dance-clap.gif]

3

So we’re supposed to vote for the options that we think qualify as “wine snob”? Or are we supposed to vote for the options that apply to us? Or are we supposed to cast our votes in some other manner?

4

wine budget roughly a car payment? ehhhhhhhhhhhh a little low there

5

+1

6

+2 X 3 !

7

More like Ferrari payment [cheers.gif]

8

No car payment here, but a maaaaaaaaaaaaaaassive wine payment annually.

9

I don’t think “snob” is the word you are looking for. Maybe something that starts with a capital A.

10

I’m not a snob. I’m an aficionado, and BTW, most snobs reside in the AFWE camp.

true.


snob
/snäb/
noun
noun: snob; plural noun: snobs1. a person with an exaggerated respect for high social position or wealth who seeks to associate with social superiors and dislikes people or activities regarded as lower-class.

11

Flawed poll, #14 didn’t mention the Durand. That’s the only civilized opener.

12

I couldn’t vote because none of those applied to me. I would certainly consider myself a wine snob, though, even though I don’t have a car.

13

The poll question reads:

“Which ‘snob signs’ are applicable to you?”

14

Ha!! I have never before noticed the red-bannered poll question field. Thanks! [cheers.gif]

15

I do enjoy my over-ripe grape juice in the correct glass. I would hate to miss any of those McDonald’s Blackberry Blast notes.

16

With that attention to detail, you should become an attorney.

newhere

17

[smack.gif]

Smart ass!

18

This may have just put the wrong perspective on my hobby

19

I spend infinitely more on wine than on car payments. Of course I don’t owe anything on my car so that wasn’t a hard one.

20

Fess up, Todd! Did you write that list or was it Jen? :wink: