Wine gifting etiquette?

WINE TALK
1

So,a few days ago my better half had a friend over to share some wine,hen talk and unbeknownst to me,some picking of my brain about her new house plans,as that is what I do.

So,friend was last over a month ago and my BH brought out the last 2 glasses of the 03 Monprivato that was languishing in the cellar waiting for me,hopefully to enjoy that night.
Didn’t happen…but it was a chance for BH’s friend to have her 1st religious experience with Barolo.Now she,since she runs the wine program at a local Trader Joe’s,fancies herself as quite the wine aficionado/expert and was blown away by the barolo.

So,on this latest meeting,friend has brought along a bottle to return the favor…but my BH being pre emptive, brings out one of her currently favorite house favorites:the 07 le Colombier VV.an unprepossessing little sweetheart of a CdR with nice spice and occasional gregarious grenache character.

So,friend’s eyes pop out again when her glass was filled with the Colombier and she slurps and savors while absentmindedly bringing out her own,the 08 Valreas “cuvee prestige.”…a particularly vile concoction that was reminiscent of heavy metals,embalming fluid and Boone’s Farm.Luckily I was engrossed in assessing her plans and sliding seamlessly into some other work on the laptop while the ladies continued to chat,and so avoided the possibility of having a glass sitting in front of me.

So,as both my BH and I tasted the Valreas and both mirrored visually to each other the same expression,friend comes back from a bathroom break and begins to make preparations to leave,while offering to leave the mostly full bottle with us.I quickly suggested that she should keep the bottle,thank you for the offering,we have too much wine here,all the while digging a hole deeper in deeper in seeming the ungracious recipient.I believe her cryptic words as she slid out the door in a grenache haze was something like,“well,I’ll have to bring a better bottle next time…”

So,should we have immediately accepted the wine without comment and then poured it out soon after,or allowed her to take it home and pour it down her gullet for dinner?

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2

I would have just kept it. I have a good sized stash of supermarket wine that people have brought over, but we usually don’t open them that same night. A lot of them end up mixed into my “blind” rack, where I keep a couple dozen bottles bagged and open blind on random weeknights with dinner just for fun. Some I’ll open and try just so I can say, for example, that I know what Yellow Tail tastes like.

3

since you didn’t know how the guest would take the refusal, you should have accepted the bottle with a smile & a thank you (their intentions were right). its part of being a gracious host. true wine geeks on the other hand would gladly take a bottle that they enjoyed but wasn’t in your sweet spot. Wine geeks are always about the wine.

I send guests home with bretty funk masters all the time. in fact, i think they bring them just to get a rise out of me and take home the leftovers.

4

Uncle Bill,

I think you can push the guest to take it home with her as long as you can keep it convincing that you are being generous and want her to enjoy it herself. If it leaks through that you really want her to take it because it sucks, then you shouldn’t have.

Of course, this is my advice to you because I know you like to be polite. In my case, I would just say “Don’t forget your swill. I don’t want to damage our drain pipes.”

5

I hear you,nephew…that was certainly my attempt…but it quickly failed…,at least it cleaned the disposal very nicely.

6

Yeah, the choice is good wine cop:

Thanks so much, are you really sure you don’t want that for yourself, etc. [and then use it for cooking]

or bad wine cop:

What! You dare give me something that isn’t rated at 95 points or above? What a nerve!

7

Yeah- you keep it. I have had more fugly bottles left at my house thanI can remember. The fact that you heard her mumbling on the way out is awesome though.

8

“ow she,since she runs the wine program at a local Trader Joe’s,fancies herself as quite the wine aficionado/expert and was blown away by the barolo.”

She’s ITB and should be a big girl now or at least open to violently opposing views on a wine as part of her continuing professional education. Tell her “No, that wine is not my style and you should share it with someone who will enjoy it”.

9

Once it becomes known in your social circle that you are “the wine guy” imagine how intimidating it must be for folks to bring wines to your house or to share wines with you. You should have accepted it graciously, but I’m guessing since you posted the question, you know that already.

10

Randy, I think the fact that this woman is ITB needs to bear on this. She NEEDS to hear from folks who have VERY strong views on wine styles if she “fancies herself as quite the wine aficionado/expert” AND is selecting and selling wines to the public.

11

Not in a guest situation Roberto. This isn’t even a question - you’re polite to your guests and politeness would have dictated accepting the gift and shutting up.

If you want to start a conversation that might lead to education, the time to do that was when she tried the Columbier or the Barolo - those provide springboards to talking about what else she drinks etc. Hesitating on accepting the gesture of a bottle like this is patently rude.

12

If she is ITB and “fancies herself a wine expert” I am fairly certain that SHE puts that out even in this situation as HE is a “wine guy”. Then all bets are off and it’s off to the races. I see this constantly. Me, I talk about music so I don’t HAVE to talk about wine unless asked (I talk about wine all day at work). If I DO bring a bottle that is “controversial” in it’s reception though, I am more than open to discussion of it and with no holds barred.

PS: maybe it’s Bill who will get educated (about what sells at Trader Joes at least).

13

I didn’t think local Trader Joes stores had buyers - I figured it was done en masse at corporate.

It’s sad that she’s never had decent wine - doesn’t exactly spell success for the wines on the shelves at Trader Joe’s, but in this case, I concur with the latter posts, that you should have accepted the bottle graciously. Once she leaves, if you hate it, dump it - easy, and nobody’s feelings get hurt. To take this woman on as a ‘project’ to educate her is not your responsibility. She needs more exposure to wine, particularly good wine, but that should be on Trader Joes’ hands.

Alternatively, send her here. She’ll learn a LOT! Plus, we can just tell her what wines she is supposed to like - we do that for Jim Dietz already anyway.

14

Nope. You don’t refuse to accept a gift as the guest is on the way out the door in the name of education. Want to give an opinion on the wine? Do that when you’re all tasting it. And do that when the context is right - if someone brings a wine over and asks ‘what do you think of it?’ they should be open to negative opinions, same if it’s a tasting where people have brought wines to talk about. That’s not the situation Bill describes.

Honestly, I think it’s kind of sad that any adult even needs to ask about such a basic point of etiquette.

15

I think “buyer” means she fills out the orders each week so that they have par stock of the listed items from corporate, no?

16

Rick, we live in a very sad world where, among other things, Canada Dry thinks the fact that they use actual Ginger in their Ginger Ale is worthy of a national ad campaign…

17

I think you should have said to her ‘oh, this won’t do, I don’t want you to embarrass yourself’ and switched the bottle with something better, or grab it and say ‘this will be great for cooking!’.

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18

+1 You go Todd!!!

19

I’m not so sure I agree, Roberto. Unless I missed something, Bill is neither the employer nor a customer of this lady. I just don’t feel in this situation that it’s his responsibility to be brutally frank. It’s not really a friend’s, or the friend’s spouse’s, role to make this lady a better wine manager. Now if she had asked what he thought of the wine, that would be a different matter…

BUT, reading the OP, it’s not clear that the woman was offended or that Bill was offensive. “Well, I’ll have to bring a better bottle next time…” This could reflect sarcasm, embarrassment, or disappointment.

20

Randy has it.Really not such a big deal,except for Rick,as usual…but as soon as the words came out of my mouth, I was aware of how it could have been taken as either a dismissal of her simple,“here,keep the bottle” gesture or wine snobbery.Nobody was offended,belittled or demeaned…and Rick,good to know we have at least one adult around here…are you claiming that position? neener

It simply made for a good story and lesson.