Our daughter had a school project back when she was in elementary school. We decided that she could draw a label for a wine bottle. I posted this on the Parker Board several years ago and someone called me out saying that no school would allow a young child to draw on a wine bottle. Well, we kept the wine bottle all of this time, in our closet downstairs. It was a bottle of the 2002 Two-Buck Chuck Chardonnay.
I asked my daughter if we could open it for this charity, and she immediately approved. Here are the pictures of the bottle. I did not take a picture of myself because I am still recovering from actually trying it. It was enough to provide a one-word tasting noteâŚhorrific.
Great cause, Chris! This would have been a worthy candidate to the Chardonnay blowout challenge post that Mark B started years ago!
Brotherhood Holiday Spiced Wine âOriginal Old World Recipeâ
Iâve had this bottle kicking around for a decade and a half, through four states, two careers, and two kids. This wine predates my marriage. I have no idea where I got it, but I think it came with a sachet of mulling spices that I lost somewhere along the way. It lived in a weird closet with my box of power cords and spare pillows. It claims to be made by "Americaâs Oldest Winery.
The color is brown tinged red, with low opacity. The nose is dominated by nutmeg, Red Hots, and cherry cough syrup, with no other notes. The entry is thickly sweet, but some acidity cuts through so it actually isnât too sticky. The finish is all Red Hots.
This is⌠actually pretty okay, as a sweet/spicy Christmastime drink. It doesnât resemble wine in any meaningful way, but if you told me it was a cocktail made with Goldschlager Iâd be pretty into it. Mulling this with additional spices would be a truly terrible idea, though.
Really wish I was visiting my parentsâ house right now to participate in this. I know their wine âcellarâ has some 1990s Beringer White Zinfandel, BV Reserve, and sauvignon blanc from South Africa.
I aggressively weed out sketchy bottles so didnât expect to have anything to contribute for this week. But this bottle should have been good and yet it wasnât.
2015 Crowley Chardonnay, Four Winds Vineyard, McMinnville AVA, OR
Golden color, perhaps a bit darker than expected. Nose of pineapple, unripe pears, fresh lake water. The palate is more acid than fruit. Very tart, but not refreshing. No VA yet it seems slightly medicinal like aspirin on the aftertaste. It doesnât scream that it is an off bottle, but I canât rule it out. Gave up after half a bottle. Iâm going to look for some bubbly.
Update: If anyone checks back, this was far better on day two. The nose emerged from itâs shell and it far rounder and more generous. The somewhat nasty tartness and medicinal taste has faded too. Actually a quite nice a characteristically OR chardonnay. Iâm glad I gave it a second day to get over itself.
2016 Apothic Inferno Red Blend
Small Batch Limited Release, Aged in Whiskey Barrels for 60 Days
15.9% ABV
A friend at work shared a bottle of this with me sometime pre-Covid as an example of a bottle that she had recently found and enjoyed. (She and her husband are great people, despite not being âinto wine.â ) I kept this with some of the food-and-drink stash that lives in my office, and it just hung out there over the shutdown and until this week, awaiting an occasion. Anyway, this seemed to fit the bill as a wine Iâve put off opening since I was confident it wasnât going to be up my alley.
This pours into the glass the color of Dr Pepper, dark in the middle and brownish crimson at the edge. It mostly smells like caramel with some jammy cherry fruit in the background and gives just a little bit of a retronasal burn (less than I thought it might, actually). I can remember, years ago, encountering a handful of more-expensive cabs and zins from small makers in Paso which smelled a lot like this but often with more VA.
On the palate, this does, happily, have a little bit of acid/tannin structure. It also has some RS and reminds me of a really jammy CA zin but with an odd overlay of caramel and wood spice. Thereâs a little bit of the afterburn of bourbon going down, and then the fruit departs the finish rapidly, leaving an aftertaste of something between grape seeds and a 2x4. In the end, I have to say that I think itâs both better than I thought it might be and something I would politely decline to drink again.
NV Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin Champagne Brut - France, Champagne (12/3/2022)
Marketing 101. This NV is terrible for the money. $60? Candied fruit, minerality, dough and floral notes. Short finish and lacks complexity. The Charles Heidsieck Brut Reserve is far superior for half the price. (84 points)
2020 19 Crimes Snoop Dogg Cali Red - was at what we expected to be a small party, so we brought a couple bottles to share. Turned out to be a big party, so our two were gone quickly. The host, several glasses into the night, came by to refill, proclaiming âthis shit is great!â And filled my wife and I up to the brim. Now, my wife and I are firmly on the âdrink whatâs poured at partiesâ page, but this was undrinkable. She took one sip, and quietly poured the rest in the sink. I tried, but couldnât get passed two sips. Only descriptor is childrenâs cherry Tylenol with a dose of mega purple. Maybe we werenât in the right state of mind to enjoy
NV Corbin Farms Winery Tuxedo Junction - USA, Alabama (12/4/2022)
Powerful nose of pixie sticks, caramel, chocolate, raspberries. Relatively dilute palate of caramel, red cherry, plum, cocoa, and a little earth. Pretty sweet, but not as sweet as the nose suggests. Light acidity (could use a lot more), light tannins, medium fudgy finish. Not for me.
I kept forgetting about these, parked in the pantry because I never added them to my cellar. I received them at a work white elephant sort of gift exchange game thing, probably right before the pandemic. Maybe the year before. Who knows. But they seem like the perfect foil for this event.
By the label, they are âlow alcohol grape winesâ. The Black includes ânatural flavoringsâ and is worse for it. The normale is almost tolerable. The Black is a no. In case someone thinks these do not have the bonafides, I included a pic of their medals.
NV Il Conte D'Alba Stella Rosa Stella Rosso L'Originale - Italy (12/4/2022)
I did not know this is a sparkling wine. Shows that "semi-sweet" character but not over done. Otherwise a basic light reddish wine. I honestly expected a lot worse. Gifted from a work 'white elephant' sort of thing a few years back. Still 'fresh'.
NV Il Conte D'Alba Stella Rosa Black - Italy (12/4/2022)
In contrast to the regular bottling, the "natural flavorings" in this make it smell and taste like candy or a fruit roll-up. Very light effervescence. Clipped finish. Another work 'white elephant' bottle from a few years back.
NV Horton Vineyards Route 33 - USA, Virginia, Central Virginia, Orange County (12/4/2022)
Lighter red/purple color, looks very lightly oaked. No real nose at first, but with some air and coaxing, a bit of garden flower bush and some faint purple berry.
On the palate, this is a lightly-concentrated, lightly oaked (or maybe unoaked?), very simple and basic red wine, but it is fairly honest and unmanipulated. Others might have tried to crank this wine up with additives or oak chips, but this seems content in its modesty. Almost watery thin in its concentration, and no real finish, but pleasant enough in its basic red wine flavor.
It looks like it sells for around $15, and at that price, there are definitely plenty of other places I could look for a more interesting wine, yet I'd say that if I were served this at a reception or event, I wouldn't particularly mind drinking it, and I'd probably prefer it over a similar level wine made in the residual sugar / highly oaked style like an Apothic Red or Meiomi. Though probably most civilian wine drinkers would reach the opposite conclusion.
Hectare American Chardonnay - no vintage
I went to Total Wine to pick up an online order of Champagne and asked my favorite associate there for âthe worst wine in the store.â He first suggested the Hectare Merlot, but it was sold out, so he ârecommendedâ this Hectare Chardonnay for $2.99. As a practical joke, I served it to unsuspecting guests (a wine lover and a bourbon fan) and my husband for lunch yesterday. Never fear, the pours were small and there was good wine before and after.
Yuck. Our combined notes on the nose were âbathroom air freshener with a side of vinegar.â There was also a banana note. As for the taste, this tried to imitate fake caramel / butterscotch flavoring and had a lingering unpleasant sourness. I wanted to spit it out, but we were in the dining room and that would have been beyond the pale. This Chardonnay wouldnât even make good cooking wine.
) I kept this with some of the food-and-drink stash that lives in my office, and it just hung out there over the shutdown and until this week, awaiting an occasion. Anyway, this seemed to fit the bill as a wine Iâve put off opening since I was confident it wasnât going to be up my alley.
, so he ârecommendedâ this Hectare Chardonnay for $2.99. As a practical joke, I served it to unsuspecting guests (a wine lover and a bourbon fan) and my husband for lunch yesterday. Never fear, the pours were small and there was good wine before and after.
