Quick answer. Lack of self-esteem.
In the mid 90’s some college friends and I - mid 20’s - decided we should “know something about wine.” So we had a series of themed brown bag tastings. We had tasting sheets and ranked the wines and tried to discuss them. After a few events really only one guy (worked at Goldman and now of all things a gynecologist) really started to get into it. For the rest it was casual knowledge and an excuse to hang with friends. Eventually we stopped the tastings.
Through this I was working on my doctorate in French post-structuralism and German critical theory (with a concentration in American pragmatism, hah). As I was not funded, I worked full-time in management consulting as support staff (NYC office manager, some onsite project work, etc.). At work dinners learned a little more about wine. At this juncture I had a small 2-3 case collection and eventually moved it out from under my East Village studio bed into storage at Chelsea Storage.
Fast forward a bit and I highly inadvisably quit management consulting to work full-time on my dissertation (on Michel Serres for the two people who might have heard of him). Naturally I kept spending money as if I had a full-time job. Eventually I (a) was going nuts trying to write seven days a week and (b) needed money.
So I got a part-time job at Chelsea Wine Vault in the Chelsea Market. Important to note that at this juncture both lines of business were highly respectable with no funny business. There I learned a lot. And spent the majority of my salary on wine. When faced with having to take out an enormous loan to finish my doctoral dissertation I said no way and quit. By that juncture I was incredibly turned off by the prospect of becoming a professor (not that there were any prospects although I was published and had given papers at major conferences in my field). The academy seemed like the antithesis of freedom of thought. This is the early oughts.
The retail salary, part-time or full-time, was not going to cut it. Even though I enjoyed being around wine. Less so retail work. So I went back to management consulting. After some time I left that and worked at Chambers Street Wines and a wine storage startup (which it turns out was owned by two venal mofos, ask Andre Hueston Mack). Worked some with Crush at this juncture. Back to corporate.
Around 2007 I went to manage Chelsea Wine Storage (where I was still a client, just now with a shit ton of wine). Due to extreme differences with ownership and business direction decided to wash myself of it all and move to Charlotte. This is where the full break to wine occurred. Worked in retail in Charlotte and eventually managed a hybrid wine store/wine bar. In 2012 got tired of Charlotte and missed family and moved back north to New Jersey. Worked for an extremely large, high volume retailer for a year but that was insanely draining. Luckily got a job as the warehouse manager for the new Wally’s Auctions where I worked until they plotzed (as my wife once said “you work for children”).
Then hooked up with Manhattan Wine Company storage and been here going on ten years. No sales. No handling stressful logistics work. Deal with some high maintenance clients (you know who you are) but most are quiet and/or reasonable (considering that many are Masters of the Universe). Do my job, go home. Drink wine. I do miss going to trade tastings. The incessant networking at these sucked but it was instructful to be able to quickly taste a wide variety of wines and learn. That said, no longer living in my home town of NYC I never see old wine biz colleagues and miss that.
Long back story for a straightforward question. “Passion” did play a role, albeit it was and is as intellectual as sensory (as well as the element no one likes to discuss). I bounced back and forth from corporate to wine because of the vast financial difference in remuneration. A sizable part of me regrets my choice to go with wine. I’ll never make six figures whereas in a corporate environment I would have some time ago. I am also a big believer in be careful about associating work with a passion. Just as with the work of academia there’s lots of times work makes me wish wine would just go away. Each personality is different. This is simply my opinion, not advice. I believe I could have enjoyed wine throughout my life working outside the industry and the difference would not be that great.
So, it’s really a lack of ambition, indecisiveness, momentum, no clue on any other path forward, that has kept me in wine. Now I am some sort of “expert” and respected by some/many in the business. I’m too old to change course so riding this out until retirement (what’s that, 80 years old?). But given current interests I’d just as soon work in a garden center selling plants. Gardening is more interesting to me now than wine. Or be a DJ and be able to make some societal contribution of the 200,000+ tunes I have in Apple Music.
When I graduated college I had zero, and I mean zero, idea of what to do. So anything after that was up to the winds of fate. (Absolutely no one ever expected that I would study philosophy in graduate school, I barely studied in college.)
Hope this answers something. I am not certain. Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.