Most obfuscated tasting note ever?

I just received an email from Lot18 with an offer for “A divine 91-pt Napa blend with Beckstoffer To Kalon fruit”
Here is the description of the wine from their “Wine Curator”:

"This wine is an artful yet technically perfect blend that offers a sense of comfort, yet invites contemplation."

Makes you wonder what the wine tastes like.

“It’s a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you’ll be amused by its presumption.” James Thurber, 1944

Let me invite you to visit the mind of Wilfred Wong [suicide.gif]

I wonder what a technically perfect blend is…???

Search for “Big Doctor J”.

It’s been through the deflavorizer to ensure that there is no character?

that’s probably the high alcohol talking.

Written by someone who hasn’t actually tasted the wine?

ITB Calicaro Wine

This reminded me of the least obfuscated tasting note ever, from Stuart Yaniger. This note is not for the faint of heart. Apparently neither is the wine:

“93 Overnoy Arbois Pupillon. Never look a gift horse in the mouth, but at the same time, no need to stick your face in its butt. Lightish color, showing plently of signs of oxidation, despite the huge sulfur content, both free and bound, not to mention an interesting mix of mercaptans. Imagine, if you will, shoving an M-80 up the hind parts of a skunk, shoving the skunk up the hind parts of a sweaty shepherdess with a yeast infection and on her period. Now the explosion ensues- catch her week-old thong as it flies by. Give it a good hard sniff and contemplate the layers of aroma. Voila! You have the Overnoy. It was all I could do to actually taste it. And I’'m (gag!) pleased to report that (gag!) the flavor was consistent with the aroma. Well, at least if you mix in some battery acid. A wine too dirty for me to enjoy- contemplate that and be very, very afraid.”

Dan Kravitz

I submit that this is the least obfuscated tasting note ever.

An obfuscated note would be a note that has content, but hides it well.

This note has no content, and parades it blatantly.

How about this one? It doesn’t reference a single aroma or flavor:

“Once again the Sabons have hit a home run with their 2010 Chateauneuf du Pape Cuvee Prestige. Opaque purple-hued with a full-bodied mouthfeel, massive concentration, abundant tannin and good acidity, it will not be as drinkable early on as the 2009 Prestige. The 2010 possesses some of the structural characteristics of the 2005, and thus requires 5-6 years of patience. It should keep for an atypically long time for a Chateauneuf du Pape - 25-30 years. It is a brilliant, majestic, massive Chateauneuf du Pape from the Sabons.”

Dan, you forgot this tag to the Yaniger note on the Overnoy:

“This Overnoy says a lot about Joe Dressner. Some clever guy would taste this and buy a bottle as a gag gift. Joe, ever the man truly committed to humor, actually bought this in quantity, imported it, and sells it for money. THAT is the kind of dedication and willingness to go the extra yard for a laugh that sets him apart from his fellow Man. Many thanks, Joe!”

RIP Joe Dressner. Not my favorite competitor, but far from my least favorite. The few times I met him in person, he was a barrel of laughs.

Dan Kravitz

While I would not buy the wine based on that note (“massive concentration” is a red flag for me), I actually prefer structural notes to aroma, flavor lists. My black cherry is someone else’s plum or black currant, so I find the fruit salad style of notes useless for my reference.

Me too. Unless it’s an unusual flavor, flavors are rather predictable. Besides, to me, CDP tastes more like CDP than any combination of flavors. So when I read a tasting note, I want to know what the style is, and if it was enjoyable.

I guess I’ll have to disagree with both of you. When I am buying CdP, there are a few flavor descriptors that I look for and some that I hate. Without those “markers”, it’s hard to know whether I’ll like a wine.

Here are some descriptors that I look for in CdP: kirsch, kirsch liqueur, cherry, garrigue, provencal herbs, meat juice, earth

Here are some that I know will make me hate a wine: blueberry, spring flowers, camphor

Extraction is rarely an issue if the descriptors are right since I don’t plan on drinking the wines until they get past 10 years old anyway…by then, the extraction has usually given way to the complexities of the wine. Obviously, there is a level of extraction that is too much, but I have always liked the Sabon Prestige bottlings, so I have no reason to believe that they would have “nuked” extraction in a year like 2010 where acid levels were very high in relative terms.