Most annoying posts about Burgundy -- updated with bonus material

[David_Bu3ker]

The best Maureen. The best.

[Craig_G]

@maureen nelson

@D@vid Bu3ker

@maureen nelson

Matt, excellent post. Of course, it is easy for me to laugh because none of those were about moi!

Not so fast Madame Shhhhhh.

Hey if only one applies to me I am doing better than the rest of those who post about Burgundy!

Dont worry. There’s more than one that’s Truchot about you.

[Chris_Seiber]

@Jason T

This is such a tremendous post Matt. It strikes me as being true about every wine region though. Or at least every wine region that “attracts a crowd”.

We all have our foibles, whether we are Burgundy nuts or otherwise, and it’s good to be able to laugh about them. It helps when the skewering is so skillfully and charmingly done as in this thread.

[Matthew_King]

Thanks for playing along gang.

By popular demand (not), I’ve added a few more examples.

But first – reading my original post, I can see how some respondents might think I was calling out specific board members, e.g. “This poster …” I wasn’t trying to single out specific people. These are just composites based on years of prowling this board …

Also, I realize that some of these habits easily apply to posts about other wine regions. I’m just following that sage advice – “Write what you know.”

Now without further ado, the additions. And keep your own coming …

The Necrophiliac
These posters seemingly have never opened a bottle of Burgundy from the 1960s and before that didn’t enchant. Always sourced from a damp private cellar in the Swiss highlands or a forgotten corner of a Helsinki shop, these autumnal bottles speak of soil and long-forgotten domaine histories. You never seem to hear about these grave-robbers opening DOA bottles completely void of fruit, balance or charm.

The School Marm
These posters are quick to point out the moral failings of anyone consuming, buying or selling a bottle of Burgundy in a way that doesn’t jibe with their impeachable ethical standards. There’s a tut-tut and finger wagging quality to their holier-than-thou chastising – be it for squandering too many youngish DRCs in a single bacchanalia, posting sophomoric photos of private events (simulated intercourse – ick!), failing to alert a sales clerk to an obviously mislabeled price on a bottle of Vosne Romanee, or offloading Jadot Grand Cru white burgundy you’re pretty sure is premoxed to wine.bid.

The Victim
These posters have developed thin skins after years of perceived slights and are quick to mine the worst in seemingly innocuous replies (or even-handed criticism). When things turn south, the aggrieved parties will dramatically announce they are dropping out of the thread … only to return 20 replies later, unable to remain mute following a few more twists of the knife from the peanut gallery.

The Junket Critic
These posters are usually ITB or have some kind of regular blog with at least decent readership that allows them yearly visits to some of the most exclusive domaines. Notes have a veil of impartiality and forthright assessment, but no wine is every dismissed as harsh, underfruited, unpleasant, unsound or unbalanced. Numerical rankings, when given, inevitably start at 86 for Bourgogne wines, inch up to 90 for village wines, 92 for 1er cru and voila, 94 for GCs. After all, honest assessment could lead to ruffled feathers, hurt feelings, closed doors and lost access!

[Craig_G]

This is outrageous. I won’t be posting in this thread again.

[David_K2]

Everybody’s Best Friend
These posters are on a first-name basis with all their favorite producers:
I love what Christophe has been doing with Combottes of late.

[Marc_Frontario]

@Craig G

This is outrageous. I won’t be posting in this thread again.

I what u did there!

[Marc_Frontario]

The scape goater


When the $25 village wine outshines their fancy higher end cru’s

… and the goat… “It’s not ready”

[Howard_Cooper]

@Chris Seiber

@Howard Cooper

Maybe it would be better if all the Burgundy posts were about what lists people were on. People could discuss how they were on too many lists, flipping opportunities, why all the offerings come out at the same time, flipping opportunities, what lists should be dropped and, of course, flipping opportunities.

Wait, was that your opinion, or are you just adding “Always Bashes California Wine to Defend Burgundy” guy to the thread?

Never said I was discussing California wines.

[Stuart_BeauneHead_Niemtzow]

Only a fool opens up any Grand Cru burgundy before its 10th birthday! It’s an insult to the wine and the person who made it.

and to his/her grandparents…

Does anyone quibble with this one? Seems sort of obvious.

Such potential…down the hatch.

[Scott_E_Wade]

@Marc Frontario

The scape goater


When the $25 village wine outshines their fancy higher end cru’s

… and the goat… “It’s not ready”

Good one. I think you could go all the way to scape goat herder. These people have no end of excuses for a bad bottle. It was bad because I opened it too soon or too late. It’s my fault the wine was roasted, sour, hollow, tart, etc.

The World is Flat (a/k/a The Denier) - White burg producers that deny premox or that there is a problem with their wines.

[Charles_Zedlewski]

@Chris Seiber

“Taste everything before you buy” guy.

While it’s great for those with the opportunity, this bigwig who jets over for industry events and barrel tastings will scold some guy who lives in Iowa and whose whole 2010 Burgundy investment is going to be 3 bottles each of 3 Premier Crus he hopes to enjoy 10-25 years down the road, because that guy bought his nine bottles based on reviews or something rather than after having tasted 2010s from dozens of producers.

So true. And just look at the feeding frenzy that was 2015 en primeur. What fraction of this board was able to “taste before they buy?”

[john_stimson]

@Stuart BeauneHead Niemtzow

Only a fool opens up any Grand Cru burgundy before its 10th birthday! It’s an insult to the wine and the person who made it.

and to his/her grandparents…

Does anyone quibble with this one? Seems sort of obvious.

Such potential…down the hatch.

Hey, Stuart–at least the entire thread isn’t about you! (or me, for that matter…Oh, wait…)

OK, from now on all of my burgundy posts will be universally upbeat and positive. And short. Great report! Good Show! What a line up!

[Rick_Smith]

“Look at my wine delivery vehicle”

[jcoley3]

@john stimson

@Stuart BeauneHead Niemtzow

Only a fool opens up any Grand Cru burgundy before its 10th birthday! It’s an insult to the wine and the person who made it.

and to his/her grandparents…

Does anyone quibble with this one? Seems sort of obvious.

Such potential…down the hatch.

Hey, Stuart–at least the entire thread isn’t about you! (or me, for that matter…Oh, wait…)

OK, from now on all of my burgundy posts will be universally upbeat and positive. And short. Great report! Good Show! What a line up!

Nice notes. Great notes!

[maureen_nelson]

@Craig G

@maureen nelson

@D@vid Bu3ker

Not so fast Madame Shhhhhh.

Hey if only one applies to me I am doing better than the rest of those who post about Burgundy!

Dont worry. There’s more than one that’s Truchot about you.

alan, is that you?

[Mark_Golodetz]

Thanks Matt; definitely the post of the year!

[alan_weinberg]

@maureen nelson

@Craig G

@maureen nelson

Hey if only one applies to me I am doing better than the rest of those who post about Burgundy!

Dont worry. There’s more than one that’s Truchot about you.

alan, is that you?

no. Didn’t want to hi-Jackie the thread.

[Joshua_Kates]

Just to be clear, I love (almost) all the Burgundy notes I read here–always learn a lot; also like O"'s post.
How about another: The Tasting Wheel (descriptors so fine grained they defy credibility):
This burgundy opens with early picked Provencal raspberries (nothing past April) and Satsume plums, followed by a trace of horse sweat from Arabian, not American steeds, star anise (fresh not dried), ending with sweet tannins found only in the most expensive Puerh. oak obviously sourced from the far easter corner of the woods of Limousin and rested in barrel between 180-190 days.
Just saying…

[Chris_Seiber]

Nice addition, Joshua - could apply to any category of wine of course, but also apropos in this thread.