Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

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Todd F r e n c h
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Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#1 Post by Todd F r e n c h » May 13th, 2019, 10:01 am

Failed Master of Wine Dissertations

The Paris Tasting of 1976: Who the f*ck Cares
The Effect of Climate Change on BevMo’s Five Cent Sale
Vineyard Dogs: Their Effect on Sales, and Why They Do That Thing With Their Legs When You Scratch Their Stomach Just Like Angelo Gaja Does
Natural Wine: Does All That Hair Get Stuck in Your Teeth
Sommeliers on Tinder: Always Pick the Second Cheapest One
Champagne: How They Missed the Boat on the Charmat Process
Do Sexually Suggestive Wine Labels Sell More Wine to Stupid People, Drunk People or People With Serious Signs of Traumatic Brain Injury
If Tastebuds Were on Your Nipples, Would Wines Smell Better Cold
Are Wines Really All That Different: I Can’t Tell Them Apart and Neither Can You
Women in Wine: Is Three Hours Enough Time to Marinate
Is Every New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc Under $25 the Same Wine With a Different Label
South African Pinotage: Is it Better or Worse than Apartheid
Case Study: Slurping or Gargling, Which More Effectively Annoys Fellow Judges at Wine Competitions
Blind Tasting: Party Trick or Desperate Cry for Attention
Variety or Varietal: The Predictability of Lower I.Q. in People Who Use Varietal as a Noun
Swartland: Where Swart Comes From
When Austrian Wines Were Considered the Best in the World: What a Day That Was
Is a Penis Effective for Bâttonage. No, I’m Just Happy to See You
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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#2 Post by GregT » May 13th, 2019, 11:23 am

But when do we get to read the actual dissertations?

Lots of great subject matter!
G . T a t a r

[i]"the incorrect overuse of apostrophes is staggering these days. I wonder if half the adults these days have any idea what they are for." Chris Seiber, 5/14/19[/i]

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#3 Post by RichardFlack » May 13th, 2019, 11:46 am

This is a month and a half late (give or take a couple of days)! 😀

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#4 Post by Joshua Kates » May 13th, 2019, 1:23 pm

Still, very funny--and I don't always like his stuff--thanks for posting!

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#5 Post by Neal.Mollen » May 13th, 2019, 1:29 pm

I've never understood what people see in this guy's humor. I didn't crack a smile at the OP. Oh well, different strokes.
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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#6 Post by Anton D » May 13th, 2019, 1:39 pm

Corked wine, a matter of degree, or a quantum state?

Analysis of the Gaussian distribution of James Suckling's wine ratings, evaluating his 6 point scale.

Jimmy Durand, a brief biography of the entertainer and wine opener inventor.
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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#7 Post by Chris Seiber » May 13th, 2019, 2:52 pm

Pobega’d and Coravin’d - why is there a f***ing apostrophe in either one?

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#8 Post by D.Callahan » May 13th, 2019, 4:24 pm

Todd an awful lot of PC sins in that post! Tsk! Tsk!

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#9 Post by brigcampbell » May 13th, 2019, 4:29 pm

Brett: The best shit you'll ever taste

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#10 Post by D@vid Bu3ker » May 13th, 2019, 5:44 pm

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#11 Post by scott davis » May 13th, 2019, 5:50 pm

Chris Seiber wrote:
May 13th, 2019, 2:52 pm
Pobega’d and Coravin’d - why is there a f***ing apostrophe in either one?
Exactly!
CT #10,000

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#12 Post by Anton D » May 13th, 2019, 6:12 pm

scott davis wrote:
May 13th, 2019, 5:50 pm
Chris Seiber wrote:
May 13th, 2019, 2:52 pm
Pobega’d and Coravin’d - why is there a f***ing apostrophe in either one?
Exactly!
Dudes, because, technically, it is a contraction.

Do you see people write "vacationed" or "vacationd?"

It's, wasn't, etc...

I suppose you could bitch about it being "Coravined," but that would make a reader think it was pronounced differently. Can you think of other words ending in a consonant that don't acquire "...ed" and only use "d?" Further, we could argue it should be "Coravinned" just for fun!

Pobega is different, as you could argue that you can simply add a "d" and all is well but it is typicaly not the case. The "e" is usually added...
baaed
cupolaed
hennaed
pajamaed
polkaed
sambaed
subpoenaed
togaed
umbrellaed
verandaed
visaed
vistaed

The ' is appropriate, really.
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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#13 Post by John Morris » May 13th, 2019, 9:00 pm

Anton D wrote:
May 13th, 2019, 6:12 pm
scott davis wrote:
May 13th, 2019, 5:50 pm
Chris Seiber wrote:
May 13th, 2019, 2:52 pm
Pobega’d and Coravin’d - why is there a f***ing apostrophe in either one?
Exactly!
Dudes, because, technically, it is a contraction.

Do you see people write "vacationed" or "vacationd?"

It's, wasn't, etc...

I suppose you could bitch about it being "Coravined," but that would make a reader think it was pronounced differently. Can you think of other words ending in a consonant that don't acquire "...ed" and only use "d?" Further, we could argue it should be "Coravinned" just for fun!

Pobega is different, as you could argue that you can simply add a "d" and all is well but it is typicaly not the case. The "e" is usually added...
baaed
cupolaed
hennaed
pajamaed
polkaed
sambaed
subpoenaed
togaed
umbrellaed
verandaed
visaed
vistaed

The ' is appropriate, really.
I think you should get a checkup, Anton. I'm afraid you're showing early signs of pedantry, like so many of us.
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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#14 Post by Chris Seiber » May 13th, 2019, 9:15 pm

Anton D wrote:
May 13th, 2019, 6:12 pm
scott davis wrote:
May 13th, 2019, 5:50 pm
Chris Seiber wrote:
May 13th, 2019, 2:52 pm
Pobega’d and Coravin’d - why is there a f***ing apostrophe in either one?
Exactly!
Dudes, because, technically, it is a contraction.

Do you see people write "vacationed" or "vacationd?"

It's, wasn't, etc...

I suppose you could bitch about it being "Coravined," but that would make a reader think it was pronounced differently. Can you think of other words ending in a consonant that don't acquire "...ed" and only use "d?" Further, we could argue it should be "Coravinned" just for fun!

Pobega is different, as you could argue that you can simply add a "d" and all is well but it is typicaly not the case. The "e" is usually added...
baaed
cupolaed
hennaed
pajamaed
polkaed
sambaed
subpoenaed
togaed
umbrellaed
verandaed
visaed
vistaed

The ' is appropriate, really.
The fiction here is that to Coravin or to Pobega are verbs. There is no correct past tense of a verb which uses an apostrophe. Not one.

Which doesn’t stop people from doing it — the incorrect overuse of apostrophes is staggering these days. I wonder if half the adults these days have any idea what they are for.

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#15 Post by RichardFlack » May 13th, 2019, 9:39 pm

Spell checker’s are mostly to blame I think.

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#16 Post by Anton D » May 13th, 2019, 9:49 pm

Now there’re neologism haters?

Hmmmm, I didn’t think I could find a past tense verbs that use an apostrophe.

At first, I couldn’t think of any, but it wouldn’t have been any fun not to try.

I wasn’t going to give up, though. Just as I thought there weren’t any, I realized there were, in fact, contracted past tense verbs, so to speak.

In retrospect, I should’ve included a joke disclaimer in my post up above. That would have more clearly demonstrated that I was just Morissing the topic and I might not have gotten Sieber’d.

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#17 Post by Anton D » May 13th, 2019, 9:55 pm

1,000 different ways to say “toast.”

Tipping tips for oenophiles, from BYOB to ordering lumber from the wine list.
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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#18 Post by Chris Seiber » May 13th, 2019, 11:43 pm

My favorite from the OP: “Is Every New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc Under $25 the Same Wine With a Different Label?”

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#19 Post by Barry P » May 14th, 2019, 6:44 am

Neal.Mollen wrote:
May 13th, 2019, 1:29 pm
I've never understood what people see in this guy's humor. I didn't crack a smile at the OP. Oh well, different strokes.
Yes, 1000x over. So not funny.
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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#20 Post by Xavier Lavoipierre » May 14th, 2019, 7:57 am

Yeah, I don't find them funny. Though I agree with Chris about the New Zealand SB. I liked that one. Of course Chris has the Haddock avatar, so he gets bonus points for any post!

The one about Pinotage is awful. Any attempt to make a "joke" by juxtaposing something with apartheid is pretty much not at all funny.

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#21 Post by Jay Miller » May 14th, 2019, 8:44 am

Xavier Lavoipierre wrote:
May 14th, 2019, 7:57 am
Yeah, I don't find them funny. ... Of course Chris has the Haddock avatar, so he gets bonus points for any post!
Ditto on both counts.
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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#22 Post by Anton D » May 14th, 2019, 9:24 am

Chris Seiber wrote:
May 13th, 2019, 11:43 pm
My favorite from the OP: “Is Every New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc Under $25 the Same Wine With a Different Label?”
Same here.
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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#23 Post by Chris Seiber » May 14th, 2019, 11:12 am

Someone I met for the first time at Falltacular remarked that he had always thought of me as a jovial older guy with a big beard, because of my Captain Haddock avatar.

My brothers and I grew up loving Tintin. It was hard to find the books, we were always on the search to find ones we didn't have, and we read and reread those endlessly. The stories and the art just take you on a journey around the world, back before there was cable TV and internet and all.

Funny to think of a kids' book with one of the two main characters being a full-blown alcoholic. But you just love the guy.

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#24 Post by Chris Seiber » May 14th, 2019, 11:19 am

Xavier Lavoipierre wrote:
May 14th, 2019, 7:57 am
Chris has the Haddock avatar, so he gets bonus points for any post!
This is a terrific little perspective on Tintin, if anyone is interested, entitled "All I Know About Travel I Learned From Tintin." And one with some food and wine tie-in.

https://www.travelandleisure.com/articl ... rom-tintin

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#25 Post by Eric Egan » May 14th, 2019, 11:27 am

The Harvest Yogurt; Effects of the Bearded Vigneron's Microbacterial Cultures on the Fermentation Process.
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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#26 Post by Jay Miller » May 14th, 2019, 11:33 am

Chris Seiber wrote:
May 14th, 2019, 11:19 am
Xavier Lavoipierre wrote:
May 14th, 2019, 7:57 am
Chris has the Haddock avatar, so he gets bonus points for any post!
This is a terrific little perspective on Tintin, if anyone is interested, entitled "All I Know About Travel I Learned From Tintin." And one with some food and wine tie-in.

https://www.travelandleisure.com/articl ... rom-tintin
Delightful.

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#27 Post by Chris Seiber » May 14th, 2019, 1:05 pm

A few for Wine Berserkers:

Craft Beer, Tea, Cocktails, Mineral Water, and Other Drinks to Recommend Whenever Someone Asks You to Suggest a Wine Pairing

Reading Critics' Reviews, Drinking Big New World Reds, Drinking Outside of Mealtime, and Other Things Not to Admit to Your Wine Geek Friends

Costco, Whole Foods, Vons, and Other Places to Buy Expensive Wines Where Your Spouse Won't Notice on the Credit Card Statement

Birth Year Wines - How Thrilled Your Child Will Be to Drink Old Wine with the Parents on the 21st Birthday

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#28 Post by Todd F r e n c h » May 14th, 2019, 1:06 pm

Chris Seiber wrote:
May 14th, 2019, 1:05 pm

Birth Year Wines - How Thrilled Your Child Will Be to Drink Old Wine with the Parents on the 21st Birthday
[rofl.gif]

Awesome - completely apropos, as well.
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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#29 Post by Marcu$ Stanley » May 14th, 2019, 1:26 pm

Todd F r e n c h wrote:
May 14th, 2019, 1:06 pm
Chris Seiber wrote:
May 14th, 2019, 1:05 pm

Birth Year Wines - How Thrilled Your Child Will Be to Drink Old Wine with the Parents on the 21st Birthday
[rofl.gif]

Awesome - completely apropos, as well.
+1, hilarious!

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#30 Post by RichardFlack » May 14th, 2019, 1:36 pm

Brett, The Sixth Taste

Four Tier Distribution

100 Uses For Wines Given To You By Non-Wine-Geek Friends

Make Your Own DRC, in collaboration with R. Kurniawan

Burgundy Bargains

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#31 Post by Viet Ly » May 14th, 2019, 1:38 pm

Chris Seiber wrote:
May 14th, 2019, 1:05 pm

Costco, Whole Foods, Vons, and Other Places to Buy Expensive Wines Where Your Spouse Won't Notice on the Credit Card Statement
Guilty [wow.gif]. Also guilty of expecting you to have a full beard when we first met [wow.gif]

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#32 Post by Chris Seiber » May 14th, 2019, 2:49 pm

RichardFlack wrote:
May 14th, 2019, 1:36 pm
100 Uses For Wines Given To You By Non-Wine-Geek Friends
And the companion paper:

10 Ways to Get Your Non-Geek Hosts to Open the Nice Bottles You Brought Instead of Serving You Plonk

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#33 Post by Chris Seiber » May 14th, 2019, 2:50 pm

Viet Ly wrote:
May 14th, 2019, 1:38 pm
Chris Seiber wrote:
May 14th, 2019, 1:05 pm

Costco, Whole Foods, Vons, and Other Places to Buy Expensive Wines Where Your Spouse Won't Notice on the Credit Card Statement
Guilty [wow.gif]. Also guilty of expecting you to have a full beard when we first met [wow.gif]
I had a strong suspicion you'd be Vietnamese, though.

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#34 Post by J O S H L O N G » May 14th, 2019, 3:02 pm

D.Callahan wrote:
May 13th, 2019, 4:24 pm
Todd an awful lot of PC sins in that post! Tsk! Tsk!

[snort.gif]
champagne.gif Thankfully the Twitter police haven't got him yet.

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#35 Post by GregT » May 14th, 2019, 3:45 pm

the incorrect overuse of apostrophes is staggering these days. I wonder if half the adults these days have any idea what they are for.
[rofl.gif]
My favorite quote. I might make it my tagline.
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[i]"the incorrect overuse of apostrophes is staggering these days. I wonder if half the adults these days have any idea what they are for." Chris Seiber, 5/14/19[/i]

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#36 Post by Anton D » May 14th, 2019, 4:16 pm

GregT wrote:
May 14th, 2019, 3:45 pm
the incorrect overuse of apostrophes is staggering these days. I wonder if half the adults these days have any idea what they are for.
[rofl.gif]
My favorite quote. I might make it my tagline.
They are for putting next to the home run count for Roger Maris?
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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#37 Post by Mel Knox » May 14th, 2019, 5:45 pm

Anton,

Wasn't that an asterisk??
ITB

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#38 Post by David Glasser » May 14th, 2019, 6:15 pm

Joke
Head

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#39 Post by Scott Watkins » May 14th, 2019, 7:18 pm

I may be an insensitive heathen but "South African Pinotage: Is it Better or Worse than Apartheid"
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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#40 Post by Rory K. » May 16th, 2019, 11:27 am

Eric Egan wrote:
May 14th, 2019, 11:27 am
The Harvest Yogurt; Effects of the Bearded Vigneron's Microbacterial Cultures on the Fermentation Process.
You joke but....
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rogue_Beard_Beer
K i n n e a r

ITB

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#41 Post by Arv R » May 18th, 2019, 5:20 pm

Chris Seiber wrote:
May 13th, 2019, 11:43 pm
My favorite from the OP: “Is Every New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc Under $25 the Same Wine With a Different Label?”
+1
R_@_0

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Re: Failed Master of Wine Dissertations (from Hosemaster of Wine)

#42 Post by Arv R » May 18th, 2019, 5:24 pm

Chris Seiber wrote:
May 14th, 2019, 11:12 am
Someone I met for the first time at Falltacular remarked that he had always thought of me as a jovial older guy with a big beard, because of my Captain Haddock avatar.

My brothers and I grew up loving Tintin. It was hard to find the books, we were always on the search to find ones we didn't have, and we read and reread those endlessly. The stories and the art just take you on a journey around the world, back before there was cable TV and internet and all.

Funny to think of a kids' book with one of the two main characters being a full-blown alcoholic. But you just love the guy.
I LOVED those too as a child. I'm assuming you've seen the 3D movie ?

Greatest creation ever from Belgium
R_@_0

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