After reading through this thread, I realized that what a lot of people want in a tasting room is exactly what I experienced in tastings at Bodegas Carrau and Hector Stagnari, in Uruguay and Pulenta, Mendel, Benegas Lynch, and Caelum in Mendoza. Everyone of those tastings was a personal experience led by people that new the wine, the vineyards, and the grapes. Everyone of them also served small plates of cheeses and sometimes local sausage/salami style meats, crackers and/or bread and often times what was on the plate was paired as best it could be with one of the items on the plate. Unlike the U.S. we were poured generously and asked if there was anything we would like to re-taste.
It would be unfair to compare the tastings we had at La Azul and Ruca Malen because those tasting were wines paired to the dishes served in a 5 course lunch. These tastings were special and the food was excellent at both wineries. It seems that many of the wineries in Uruguay and Mendoza are focused not only on their wines but the experience the taster has. We left with fond memories of the regular tastings and of the tastings paired with our lunch. Of course, we left with a lot of wine too.
It should be said that we did not choose to visit any of the “tour bus” wineries. They are not the kind of experience we want to have.
A lot of excellent observations, most of which I agree with. Just a few additional points of emphasis:
The size of the space relative to the expected/desired number of visitors is very important. There is definitely a balance between too many people for the space and nobody else there. You want enough people to have a good vibe but not so many that you can’t find a place to sit. And I really don’t like the stand up tables arrangement.
Note takers. There are two kinds of wine tasters. Those that take notes and those that don’t. They’re usually married to each other. 
It helps a lot if the literature you give out has space where notes can be taken on each wine.
Who’s pouring? I realize everybody isn’t small, but having a family member of the winery’s owner pouring makes a big difference to me in how much I engage with that winery and want to return.
Video. I think video can be helpful if your vines are more than a walking distance away. If they’re right outside, forget the video.
View. A nice view, obviously not always possible, but would you rather enjoy a vista of grape vines on hills or a row of tanks in a space with tile floors and hoses?
As a consumer, I will admit that the best “gimmick” I’ve ever experienced in a tasting room was at a winery that offered a different cheese pairing with each taste. After walking out with more bottles than I normally buy at a tasting room my wife asked me, “Don’t you know that you sell wine on cheese, and you buy wine on bread?”
So, my lesson has been learned. If you do offer cheese pairings, and I come in for a tasting, I will probably pass on the cheese and ask for bread or crackers.
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Again, as a consumer, here is my number one requirement when I walk into a tasting room: I want the staff there to understand that they are in the hospitality business. I want to be greeted and welcomed enthusiastically and treated respectfully. I am OK if I know more about a wine than the server, but I cannot tolerate it if he/she acts like I am bothering him/her. Yes, that has happened more than once.
The stand out tasting we had in December of 2014 was at Arrowood. First, they’re my favorite producer. Second they had a private tasting available in a room with a glorious view - and each wine had a wonderful food pairing that was one wine + one cheese + one spread / jelly. To this day, I only drink Cab (no matter who the producer is) with onion & fig jam and bandage wrapped Cabot. If a Cab wants space on my rack, it better be good with this combo or exceptional with meat.