What frequent flyers wish other passengers knew about air travel

I noticed there are a lot of frequent fliers on this board, and I thought it would be entertaining to make a list of “rules” flyers should abide by.

I got the idea from reading http://www.velominati.com/the-rules/

Here is my contibution.

Carry On Luggage:

Yes, size does matter. Really. You can’t bring your expedition duffle, your sequined PINK travel kit large enough to keep J lo in face paint for a year, or your oversize suitcase on board. The maximum size is 22 x 14 x 9, or 45 linear inches according to the FAA. Buy approved carry ons, or at least learn to stuff your bag into one of the size check boxes in all major airports to insure compliance, prior to boarding the plane.

Most airlines have a limit of two carry ons. That’s total items carried. Yes your purse counts. Yes your backpack counts. Yes your grocery bag of clothes counts too. I would even add that the sack of two sandwiches, and 3 bags of chips you bought to sustain life support for the gruelling 2 hour flight ahead counts.

If your carry on bag will fit perpendicular to the isle, please place it in the overhead bins that way. Don’t just slop it in the closest open space with no regard for those coming on board after you. Most official carry on luggage fits wheels out.

You cant place your exotic chinchilla faux fur lined vegan approved coat long ways in the overhead bin. Please keep small personal items, or your second item regardless of size under the seat in front of you. In addition, it is never acceptable to store your small personal items under the seat beside you, so your feet have more room. Exceptions to this rule obviously apply if upon take off that seat is empty.

Please remember that large bump you feel as your proceed by each seat when boarding the plane is most likely your baggage slamming into every seated passenger. No, apologizing in advance for hitting me with your bag, and then doing it anyway, is not OK.

I have been known to bring 1) roll-aboard, 2) computer briefcase, 3) shipping bag containing gifts, 4) food court plastic bag containing food, 5) starbucks coffee :wink: But I’m a 3-million-miler on AA, get on first, am stowed and in my window seat long before the noob once-a-year-on-vacation fliers come down the aisle.

I’m a frequent flyer. The rules don’t apply to me. [middle-finger.gif]

Related: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCqm4H3m3Ew

When flying into Orange County - just because you’re taking your four kids under the age of six to Disneyland for the first time, the vacation doesn’t start on the plane.

When flying out of Orange County - just because your Aunt in Cleveland has never had In-n-Out doesn’t mean you fill the overhead with double doubles.

OMG THESE!

Several hour old In-n-Out does not sound tasty.

Please pee before you board the plane. Otherwise you will undoubtedly end up in the window seat of my aisle and will jump up like you’re spring-loaded at the first sign the seat belt light might go off. Then we will all have to get up to let you out (after which you will annoyingly become stuck on the wrong side of the drink cart and try to impossibly squeeze past it to get back to your seat).

And don’t even get me started on preparedness for the security check point.

This always baffles me. I see people waiting at the gate 30-45 minutes with a bag of McD’s in their hand, and the minute they get in their seats…out comes the stink! Worst was a woman who cracked a tub of ripe tuna fish…omg I wanted to stab her with a swordfish!

Stow your bag and then sit down. No one can get past you until you do, which means the plane cant take off…

Sit the fck down. I don’t care if you’re waiting to board the plane gate lice. I don’t care if you just boarded and you’re jockeying for better seats or bin space. I don’t care if we are taxing and you need to pee. I don’t care if the seat belt light just went off after take off. I seriously do not care if we just pulled up to the gate and the seat belt light just went off. SIT THE fck DOWN.

Mike, I have physically brushed by people while saying “excuse me” in a very firm tone, those who are unwilling to get out of the isle while fumbling through their briefcases/purses looking for their magazines/paperwork before they get into their seat. You can only wait so long before you have to take matters in to your own hand. I refuse to tolerate this sense of entitlement anymore up in the air. FA’s have thanked me on occasion.

+1

If you’re sitting in back, don’t jam your carry on into the front bins. Drives me nuts.

If you’re going to eat fast food and poison yourself, do it before we get on the plane where the smell is trapped and recirculated for the duration of the flight, making the rest of us want to vomit, preferably on your over-sized and cholesterol-filled ass.

Kids. 'Nuff said.

Don’t talk to me. And don’t look pleadingly at me, waiting like a drooling dog for me to remove my earbuds and pounce on me with your verbal attack. I’m not your new BFF.

Sweat suits are a privilege, NOT a right. Seeing your fat Juicy ass in a velvet jumpsuit doesn’t fool anyone. Especially with that bag of McD’s in your hand (see above).

SIT DOWN (as Joe said above).

No, I will not trade my aisle seat with your middle row back of the cabin by the bathroom seat with no recline just so you can sit with your family. Careful planning, early arrival at the airport could have fixed that.

I’ll rant more as I think of it.

Oh another pet peeve: don’t jump up and start getting your luggage the moment the back wheels have touched down. We’re still doing like 140 mph, the brakes are about to throw you down the aisle to the front of the plane so you can tackle the head purser, and you’re gonna knock everyone in the head along the way before breaking your neck.

Though perhaps you might get a Darwin Award.

THAT should be its own thread.

The Sunday trip home after a Berserkerfest (I believe it was the Dallas BF at PRob’s house a few years ago), I was sitting in the window seat, and the girl in the middle had a Pizza Hut pepperoni pizza. Now, I didn’t have a hangover, but I was at the tail end of three days of heavy drinking, so I wasn’t in top form. [wow.gif]
Anyway, as soon as we take off, she whips out this pizza. Even under the best of circumstances I think pepperoni pizzas smell like ass, but this was almost [barf.gif] -inducing. If I do ever bring food on the plane, it is something non-stinking like almonds or something.

I get to board early so at least I’m not directly impacted by you doofuses with 4 carry ons (one of which is grossly oversized) though it’d be great if you could not bump that giant carry on off my head as you stumble down down the aisle. And yes it’s very frustrating to see you take up half an overhead bin with your stupid jacket or the think your bag should go into overhead sideways. It shouldn’t.

And if you’re zone 5, just relax during boarding. Standing at the gate like you’re next while first class hasn’t boarded yet is just annoying and I’m sick of saying “excuse me” to you so I can get past you.

And try at least a little to prepare for security. Just a little.

And I love kids and may even distract your kid with play if he’s getting bored— kids are kids and i get that-- but in return could you tell your kid not to kick the back of my seat over and over when they’re sitting behind me? Yes, it’s very annoying.

This thread is a big ol’

It’s funny - I sat here for a minute or two trying to think of one, and the only (minor) thing I can come up with is people who take 8 bins at security. This is pretty minor, but your shoes, coat, small electronics and purse don’t all need a separate bin. Your shoes don’t need a bin at all, and the rest can fit in one bin no problem.

I think this is because A) I do the majority of my traveling at business friendly times, meaning few rookies on the plane. Although it is depressing to 47th on the upgrade list. B) I also adopt the attitude that this is generally going to suck, so whenever it doesn’t totally suck that’s a bonus rather than an annoyance.

Anyone who has never flown with kids cannot comment on flying with kids. Yes, I’m sure there are bad actors in this camp. You’re still not allowed to comment.

I travel about 40% of the time, and the entitled 1K, Gazillion mile fliers are the most annoying. The rest of the crap people report is largely hyperbole. Even on flights to Orlando (nearest major airport to NASA and Disney) it’s not that bad.