So what is the proper way it works in this situation?

WINE TALK
21

Now that you’re into wine, better get used to realizing that 95% of the people drink plonk

Boy did Michel nail that one! It’s distressing!

But here’s a slightly different take on things.

Annette - you have the problems because you didn’t take any action to avoid them.

First of all, the invitation. Once you accept an invitation to visit someone’s house, I figure you’ve committed to be a happy guest. If you don’t really want to go, then don’t. But if you do, enjoy it. And if you feel like there’s an agenda, address it head on. I’ve done it. Just work into the conversation the fact that you’ve just hired someone or there’s a freeze on hiring because some manager wants to review expenses or shift directions, etc. In other words, make the issue go away so neither party is on edge. Once the issue is gone, both sides can relax and make the best of the evening and guess what - you might both end up being great friends. You can reciprocate the invitation (I just like having people over so I would do it anyway) and address it at your own house if you’d like. Again, once people understand there’s no possibility of a sale, they can just sit back and relax.

Second, the wine.

Do exactly the same thing. Make the problem go away. If you’re afraid people are going to serve you plonk, then don’t just hand them a bottle when you arrive as if it’s some kind of gift. Instead, SHOW them the bottle and tell them you’ve been dying to try it with them because you’re sure they’ll love it based on this or that wine/food/comment last time! Or just tell them a little story about it and tell them it needs to be chilled for about 10 minutes in the fridge. In other words, first thing you do is get it on the agenda for the evening. Give them flowers or something else as the house gift.

And if you are four people, you will have brought several wines so if you have a wine that’s ready to open as well, tell them you’ll open that while the other one is chilling. Even better, have it already opened and tell them you decanted it prior to coming over, even if you just did it in the car two minutes earlier. Or ask them for a decanter. When they say they don’t have one, suggest looking for something that could be used as one and always remember that a coffee pot can work perfectly! Get them involved in serving the wine you brought.

I do it all the time. I don’t want to be stuck drinking Cupcake or something.

It’s just social engineering. Life isn’t so black and white. Make it gray when you need to. Problems arise when you worry about them but don’t do anything about them. So my suggestion is - do something about them. Don’t just sit back and accept whatever comes your way.

22

I often face this predicament myself, and what many other posters have said is technically true: customarily, the wine is a gift to your hosts. At the same time, I do make it clear to people either ahead of time, or when I arrive, that I am relatively knowledgeable about wine and that I have brought something relatively special that I would like to drink myself, with them, on the present occasion. (“I’m a wine geek; I brought this bottle, do you mind if we open it?” or something along those lines.) People are almost always ok with that, and with reds, of course, you can and often should actually open them in advance, which solves the problem.

23

When I bring a wine over for a visit or party, etc., I never expect to see or taste that wine again.

24

I’m curious as to why the wine is presumed to be a gift for the host but the dessert is obviously to be served that evening as part of the meal? If you want it to be a gift, put it in a gift bag. If you want to drink it, chill it & announce in some way that you’d like to open the wine & have it served that evening. There are plenty of diplomatic ways to do so. If you are being hosted by people who aren’t wine geeks, they clearly aren’t going to have some carefully thought out a perfectly matched wine. Additionally, here is a couple that clearly wants something from you & your husband. You don’t want to be there in the first place, are you really so concerned that you might offend their sensibilities? I’m kind of surprised at all the wussy responses in this thread, honestly. [scratch.gif]

25

Easy solution is to decant ahead of time

26

If I am bringing a bottle or two to a non wine drinkers house, it is meant to be opened that night and will let them know so we enjoy it together. If it is for someone that is into wine, I can go either way, to serve or save. The issue would be if you bring a nice white and the non wine drinker decides to use it for cooking, or bring a red and find out it was used for sangria.

27

That’s why I bring two bottles. [thankyou.gif]

28

One easy thing you can do to make the likelihood of your wine being opened is to ask beforehand, “What are you serving for dinner? I’d like to bring a wine to pair.”
Or something along those lines.

29

Bingo! Time is way too precious.

30

Annette, something similar happened to me not too long ago, and while I did not expect nor ask my host to open the gifted wine, which I feel would have been poor form on my behalf, I do feel the host should have at least asked whether I wanted the wine opened. My answer would probably have been, “No, that’s a gift for you and your wife,” anyway; or “It’s completely up to you. What are you planning to serve with dinner?” But I do feel that it is a host’s job to make his guests feel at ease. So if not opening (or asking to open) a guest’s wine might be regarded as a social peccadillo, then I would rather the host ask than simply to assume.

But generally speaking, whenever I bring wine to a dinner, I try to bring something that is at the same level (or a little better) than what my hosts typically drink.

31

So if someone gives me a shirt should I ask if they’d like me to put it on now?

If you bring wine without any prior discussion, plan on never, ever seeing it again and you’ll never be disappointed. Bringing a bottle hoping it’ll be opened is like giving your wife a 4k HD TV and hoping she’ll say “thanks, I love it and can’t wait to watch football all day on it.”

32

[rofl.gif]

33

Of course you should understand what the stupid etiquette is. Play along if the situation dictates, fine. But really, if you’re accepting an invitation somewhere you’d like or expect to be invited to again, you should do what you can to set a suitable precedent.

34

Next time bring Charles Shaw!

35

I know which of our friends to bring good stuff to, and which to bring decent but modestly priced, I almost never ‘regift’ the junk we are sometimes given, that goes in cooking or sometimes I use whites to make a Bicyclette cocktail.

36

I agree with the crowd. You’ve given the host a gift, and he can do whatever he wants with it.

If you are trying to set it up so there will be something decent to drink that night, a good way to go is to bring two bottles: one that is a gift for the host, and one that you ask to contribute to that night’s dinner.

As others indicate, the second bottle can even be already opened to help drive that point home – say you opened it earlier so it could breathe and be at its best with dinner tonight. That hopefully gets the point across without any breach of etiquette.

37

I agree with the crowd as well. If I want to make sure a bottle I am bringing is opened, I will ask the host if that’s ok (it usually is) and perhaps what they might serve so as to match. Then I pop the cork before I get there. Sometimes its to give it a lot of air, sometimes to decant, or sometimes, right as we leave so it gets a little air, but has to be served that night.

38

I think it is safe to assume dessert was discussed beforehand, even as minimally as “we’ll bring a dessert.”

39

This is the type of thing I’m looking for, a creative way to share the wine we brought. Oh and I did ask beforehand what we were having so I could bring a wine but I’m guessing that didn’t get shared with the host. No biggie.

40

This sounds like a harder situation to deal with than happens at most dinners in wine country. When we travel to see friends and family out of wine country lots of additional layers are added. Do they drink? What do they drink, wine, beer, spirits? What are the menu items? How many courses/people?

Then again out here we always ask if there are any allergies or food restrictions (gluten/veg/vegan) or things they just don’t like to eat (spicy food/oysters/lamb) being the most mentioned.

Generally we try and get the questions answered ahead of time as to better prepare. A hostess gift is certainly is tradition if your not asked to bring anything but yourself. Often we offer to provide the nights alcoholic beverages when going to a dinner that someone else has cooked. Often if were cooking friends bring the alcoholic beverages. The only ones who don’t drink wine in wine country are pregnant women and children so wine is a safe bet. If there are no good stems then usually its a more daily drinker than a cellar selection.