I know you’re using words colorfully, but still, that seems a little 
-ish. Did anyone suggest that it’s not possible to enjoy a wine or survive the experience if you hold a wine glass by the bowl?
The traditional wine glass is designed for functional purposes. The purposes have been laid out above, and they all make sense in small ways. They aren’t a huge deal, nobody really cares if someone else does it differently, nobody is saying you can’t enjoy wine if you hold the glass by the bowl, drink out of a stemless glass, use those awful condo/in-laws wine glasses that are wider at the rim than the bowl and are so small you can’t swirl the wine without spraying it everywhere, or drink out of a red cup.
But I disagree that it’s akin to the difference between holding a fork one way versus the other in the sense of being solely personal preference and making zero difference in terms of how the food you eat off the fork tastes. There is a well understood and widely accepted way that one uses a traditional wine glass, one that is based on practical reasons rather than just tradition or authority. I’m sure I could find and quote you references, but I think everyone here on WB must already be aware of this (though I think most civilians are not, and the ideas of holding the stem, swirling wine, smelling it before drinking and so forth are not known or cared about).
By all means, do it your way. I don’t do everything by the book in the world of wine or elsewhere myself. I just respectfully disagree that this is solely subjective or that the proper way to use a wine glass is nothing more than a matter of tradition or convention.