I used to get a lot of the “I want to buy your product” emails (apparently oblivious to what it is I actually sell), and asking if I would accept MC or Visa. Lately, they are “I am having a birthday and my agent will pick up the wine”…
Here is what I wrote in response to one of these guys asking to buy my “product”:
Dear Mr. Bola:
Thank you for your kind inquiry regarding our product. Your timing is most fortuitous, as we have been actively discussing an effort to open the very markets you describe! As you already know, we export a wide range of products around the globe, but we have not met a person in whom we can repose the requisite amount of confidence and trust in your area. However, your very professional inquiry leads us to believe you may be that man.
We are interested in selling our full inventory of Kickapoo Joy Juice, which you probably know is manufactured by L’il Abner in Dogtown, USA. This product, which is known to increase vitality, renew hair growth and slow the aging process is in high demand world-wide, but we think we can sell even more of it in your market.
Our plan, if you are able to confirm that you can effectively distribute this product through the appropriate channels, would be to deliver to you three full shipping containers of the product. Your people would need to take delivery at the nearest seaport, and handle the matter from there.
This product is quite lucrative. Although the cost to you is only $3,790,000.00 (3.79 million US dollars), the value at the retail level is approximately $9,680,000.00 (9.68 million US dollars). As you can see, there is much money to be made!
Upon a showing of good credit and suitable references, we could extend you credit terms of 90 days after our delivery to you before payment is due. It would be our hope and expectation that you and your associates could sell the product before payment is due, and be enjoying the comfort that the financial security of our business relationship can provide.
We are ready to load the containers onto a ship as soon as we can finalize our relationship and any necessary terms. Please let me know if you are interested in working with us.
With best regards,
George Custer, US Army Colonel (retired)
Didn’t get any phishing emails for a long while after that…