I would bring good wines I think they will like, and not bring any stems. If you think they might see the value of better stems, invite them to your house for a dinner.
-Al
this would be my plan
I alternate between zalto, grassl, and riedel at home. I would not even think about bringing something else to someone else’s home unless we are short on glasses. Just bring the wine and enjoy. One night won’t hurt you.
I’m with Al. Then you can have another good dinner cooked the way YOU like it!
Joking aside, I really wouldn’t disparage someone’s glasses, china, or whatever unless I had a really close relationship with them. I think that’s what Chris was getting at. But for most people, a glass is a glass is a glass. If there’s a chance you’ll run low on stems, it’s not a bad plan to suggest people bring their own, but to just show up with glasses implies that the available ones are somehow inferior and that’s not a nice guest move.
As to asking someone to bring wine, that’s not as horrible. Dinners get thrown together a lot of different ways and if someone mentions that they’re thinking of some dish on Saturday if you’re interested and you suggest you’ll bring a bottle or two, that’s pretty casual and organic.
And most people will ask if they can bring something because they don’t want to show up empty handed. If the parties know each other and the host knows the other person likes and has wine, that’s not a bad suggestion.
I still tell them not to bring anything though. We have some friends who we love to death but they always bring some awful wine even though we have many hundreds of bottles sitting around. Then there’s another who fancies herself a dessert maven but doesn’t mind using packaged mixes and ingredients. Those are particularly bothersome but she’s a sweetheart so we just deal with it.
Friends can be PITA sometimes!
If you bring your host a gift, you can’t expect them to open, serve or use it.
They have gone to great lengths and effort to plan the event, may still be busy preparing to serve you, and don’t need or want another job; eg. something extra to wash, prep, etc.
A pack of decent glasses is an awesome gift but you may have to wait until the next invitation (or forever) to be served from them.
Bring wine, not glasses. Don’t make it about you and your wine glasses.
While it’s possible bringing glasses could be “done right,” unless you know them really well it’s more likely it will be awkward. The fact that you’re posting this suggests you don’t know them well enough to predict their reaction. There’s a good possibility it will leave a negative impression no matter how you finesse it. Maybe not that you’re a jerk but that you’re a wine snob or a little odd. This is more dependent upon your friends’ perspective than your presentation.
A gift of nice glasses is a good idea but only under circumstances where a gift would be the social norm. If the first time to their home and a hostess gift is appropriate or if that’s your routine when visiting each other, go for it. Don’t expect them to be used that evening, and don’t hint that you want them to. If you’ve been to each others’ homes a few times and don’t normally bring gifts, save it for a more traditional gift exchange occasion: birthday, holidays, etc.
I get more enjoyment out of being able to relax with friends than the incremental increase in enjoyment of drinking wine from a thinner-rimmed glass.
The only time I’ve given a gift of glasses knowing it was really for my own benefit was to my parents. They use the stems occasionally when they have guests, but mostly only when my husband and I come to town. And we’ve also bought a set of stems for the rental properties we use most often - the owners are kind enough to keep them in their office unless we’re renting.
I have never considered bringing stems to a friend’s house, even when I’m bringing wine. It won’t kill me to drink from a small glass from time to time, and it’s doubtful I’d be bringing a wine so special it requires special stems. That said, we have friends who are quite familiar with our glass-toting habits, from many shared meals at local BYO places, so I’m sure they would understand and laugh.
As others have said, it’s all about relationship. But the default should be don’t do it, I think.
remember that even if you “gift” them glasses that night, there’s a good chance that they would want to run them through the dishwasher or clean them before using anyways. I know I typically do that with any dishware or stems before I ever use them.
I agree with everyone on this. It’s about having a lovely evening with friends over good food and wine. Bring a wine you think everyone will enjoy, glassware aside. It is just one night, as others have said.
I say this a stemware snob myself…last month, I was fixing up and moving out of my condo in SF and the only stemware left after the initial move of “the good stemware” to the new place, was one of the thick glass types. It bothered me so much to drink out of those thick glasses, that I had to buy a new thin wine stem, even though I was only going to be there for a couple more weeks, lol!
That being said, as a guest at someone’s house, I would not care about the stemware. I would bring a nice bottle or two and enjoy the night…and perhaps buy them a nice 4 glass set of stemware for Christmas ![[cheers.gif]](/uploads/db3686/original/2X/0/0ff9bfcdb0964982cd3240b6159868fbdf215b1a.gif "cheers"){kind=small}
This 100 times over.
This is a time when friendship trumps geeky.
Sounds like a great night: good food, good friends, good wine. The glasses will end up being a non-issue.
I would not bring glassware, but if I did I would change the narrative.
I think the problem is in saying yours are good and theirs are not. Instead, bring Burgundy and Burgundy glasses. It allows you to be geeky and not condescending.
Seriously - if they are good friends you can work out anything with them, that´s what friends do …
Tell them you´ll bring a “nice” wine, but that you feel it will even show better in “special glassware” - and bring glasses with you - for them and for you. Then leave all glasses for them to keep.
Next time you are invited they are already equipped …
![[thankyou.gif]](/uploads/db3686/original/2X/d/df165fe9c1593d19166ae7e1ffe5e272089cc07b.gif "thankyou"){kind=small}
This. For the reason I believe Neal intended.
My parents got wine glasses for Christmas this year ![[highfive.gif]](/uploads/db3686/original/2X/d/db21b9263a9105e51f6f8b11e61dd4de095611f9.gif "highfive"){kind=small}
Wow there is a whole lot of thinking going on in this thread.
My .02 is: Love the suggestion of a gift. Get a six pack of good versatile stems, nothing too high end, something on sale, bring them over as a host present, and break them in with your bottles. It may be a little more than the usual host present; but if they are good friends, who cares and you will really enjoy your night. Also going forward they will be able to enjoy them with and without you.
Normally,I would think it to be bad manners to scorn the glassware at a place to which you have been invited to dinner. But in this case, you have been specifically identified as someone who knows good wine and have been requested to bring nice wine. Under these circumstances, I don’t think it out of line to say to your neighbors beforehand that you find that particular stems increase the pleasure of tasting the wine and asking if you can bring some. You might even ask if they would want to taste test the wines in different glasses to see for themselves. I think you will find that they will not be offended.
And “gift” has been a verb in English for centuries despite the efforts of sometimes even very famous objectors, such as Samuel Johinson. It is still a verb at least in the OED. This is a battle that has been lost since before any of us were born.
The only time I’ve given a gift of glasses knowing it was really for my own benefit was to my parents.
Yes, parents are a different situation.
My parents enjoyed crystal glasses (eg, vintage Cape Cod). I bought them a set of Waterford wine glasses (and other serveware). Sucked as wine glasses, but they loved them and used them for special occasions.
-Al
This might be my favorite phrase I’ve ever read on an internet message board: “It’s not even intriguingly eccentric” … I just chuckle at the list of things that might fall into this category.
FWIW: My approach would be just roll with the punches/glasses and not to bring $300 wine.
If their glasses REALLY suck, Id’ say: “I have a few different ideas in mind … can you share what you’re thinking of preparing and what style wine stems you have? I know how fantastic you are in the kitchen and I want to make sure that the wine I bring stacks up.” Then they say hey here’s what we got and you say “Awesome … I was actually thinking of bringing over some ______ which would show fantastically in _____. Would you be terribly insulted if I brought over some stems as well so the wine can keep up with the food?” Then I go to Bed Bath & Beyond and buy some decent Bordeaux/Universal glasses with a 20% off coupon. When I head over (early before guests arrive) I mention to my hosts that the stems are theirs to keep and thanks for the invite. Next time I have to bring wine to their house, I don’t have to worry about it.
It is a “casual dinner” before a concert. So, screw the “teaching” opportunity and gifting glasses. Be casual, have fun, and f***k the glasses.
Don’t take glasses to dinner but when a birthday or Xmas rolls around you know what to give. I’ve actually done this several times.