I second Region as a viable place where the kids wouldn’t feel tortured. Food from several restaurants in the Barlow can be ordered from there, you can hang at a table on the covered patio, nibble and try many different producers’ wines. There’s an ice cream vendor in the Barlow, so between pizza and ice cream, the kids will have something to ingest. There’s also a grassy outdoor area the kids could burn off some steam in (with supervision).
We did a tour of Napa with 3 kids in tow of 12-18 and it didn’t go well. They got bored and then fidgety and annoying. Mind you, this was 20 years ago and wine country was even less family friendly.
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If Im in Sebastopol and I want ice cream Im going to Screaming Mimi’s. My all time favorite ice cream shop