You will be stranded on a deserted (neither tropical nor arctic, just comfortable) island for 5 years with zero chance of rescue until the 5 years are over. But you can chose one single frozen meal option from the frozen dinner brand, Swanson “Hungry-Man”. This will be your only food available for the five years.
You have no alternative food sources. There will be no fish to catch, plants or anything else to eat. Water will be your only beverage available. Your only food source will be a giant freezer filled with several boxes of one of the items in the link below - . You can eat one, two three, four as many meals you want per day, but it will always be the same Hungry Man dinner.
Not picking one and starving to death isn’t an option.
If you don’t select, one will be selected for you at random, and you might be disappointed.
There will be a small oven and enough propane to last 5 years to heat your TV dinners.
That’ doesn’t meet the rules (can’t off yourself) but it’s an interesting answer. The deserted island experience would be similar (or worse?) to a solitary prison since you’d be stuck there for 5 years with nobody around and nothing but the same meals every day. I’m not sure what prison food is like but I think it’s mostly carbs. I’d probably go for the TV dinner and the island with fresh air. Since you failed to choose, per item 4 in the rules list, your random meal for 5 years is:
BONELESS PORK RIB SHAPED PATTIES
Pork patties glazed with barbeque sauce with home-style mashed potatoes and mixed vegetables—includes a chocolate brownie.
Because the “Hungry-Man Selects Mesquite Flavored Classic Fried Chicken” provides:
1050 calories, 72 grams of fat, 60 grams of carbohydrate, 44 grams protein, 18 grams of sugar, and 2060 milligrams of sodium
2060 mg of salt…
…
Anyway, since I’m trying to play by the “rules” but feel like David, I’ll just kill myself through the food and this is apparently the LEAST HEALTHY Hungry Man frozen dinner available (a full 110 calories over the 2nd place “regular” Classic Fried Chicken).
It has to have a chocolate brownie. Although I’m partial to the apple/cranberry thingy with the turkey too. So many choices, but I’m going with the SPICY BONELESS FRIED CHICKEN PATTIES.
The only vegetable side I can stomach is the green beans, so my choices are limited. Calories per serving don’t matter, since I can eat more or less.
I’ll go with the mesquite chicken. Now, do I get to chose the island?
It has to be Classic Fried Chicken. I actually buy one of those once or twice a year. Swanson fried chicken TV dinners were a rare special treat when I was growing up.
Assuming the chicken isn’t dry, I could make do with classic fried chicken. Also today i learned if you want a Hungry Man dinner without mashed potatoes you are very nearly (but not completely!) out of luck.
I tried thinking of this through the lens of ‘well that one’s got green beans, would be nice to have something green’ but of course any dietary considerations are ultimately irrelevant.