Wine-related Resume/Cover Letter Funnies

Today’s top cover letter:

“I worked for Costco as a wine advisor. I worked their (sic) from Nov 2008-May 2010. I had a ball working and promoting wine and vodka. I had a ball with all the wine training events.”

I think that guy passed out in front of my table at Family Winemakers on ‘trade’ day.

Amateurs… seriously. This is what we received two years ago. Still legendary here. Name obscured to protect the innocent (or is that guilty?)…

XXXXXX here, am currently pursuing my B.tech in food processing technology with fermentation as my major and oenology science as my elective. I am currently in my last semester and undergoing Harvest internship with Sula vineyards, Nasik, Maharashtra, India.

And during this period i have done sampling of grapes from vineyards,analysing their brix or falling degrees ,analysing their acidity, checking the maturity of fruit berry.( brix, ph, TA).

Planning the harvest of fruit berry I mean grapes, inoculating the tanks, pump over’s and punch downs, pressing then analysing its free so2, alcohol content. Checking malates using spectrophotometer, inoculating malolactic bacteria, doing micro analysis, complete analysis of samples in which fermentation is over that is volatile acidity, reducing sugar, free so2, total so2, alcohol using ebbuliometer method, acidity.

Maintaining lot/batch history ,pump over sheet, grape sampling record, malate analysis, fermenting records, attended tasting sessions of the lot freshly fermenting so as how to blend and what to blend with **** **** our chief winemaker owning his own winery in Napa valley and Sonama country, California

Additions like potassium metabisulphite, tartaric acid, di ammonia phosphate, bentonite etc

I basically want to undergo an harvest experience with U.S as Sula as a winery is based on U.S principles of wine making under the guidance of ***** and this is the only industry where working late nights has always been fun hence it would be a great experience of learning the trade from the masters itself. May be my coming from India would create a doubt or would make u drop my application for this internship program but if i have the drive, the zeal and enthusiasm to work the passion to learn i hardly beland i can apply for work experience visa i.e j1 visa but just give me a chance and trust me my work would definitely speak for me.

I am one of those who dare to dream and is ready to fight till the zenith to achieve it.

I am attaching my resume to the mail and i definitely hope and look forward to a positive prompt and favourable reply. Kindly oblige me by offering me the internship i would be highly grateful. In case u have any queries or doubts regarding my profile, do write to me.

Thanking you,

XXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX

“Er…I mean grapes, etc.”

Hey man, anyone willing to fight till the zenith for the fruit berry is AOK in my book!

I don’t think I understand what’s so fundamentally wrong with this letter.

Me neither… sounds like he is passionate about what he does… and English is his second language…

maybe I’m not ITB, so some of the jokes around some technical terms I’m missing?

It’s also a very Indian style of writing. We get similar letters all the time from people applying to graduate school. The most incredible one was from a young woman who said her reason for perusing a PhD was that it was her husband’s dream that he get one. She then went on to tell this elaborate story of how he had to do his national service first. He was in their navy and was washed overboard. It was full of gory details about him but almost nothing about her.

Is she a he or a she?

I’m in agreement with what Josh posted, seems like a guy who’s really excited about his internship in winemaking and English is not his first language.

To be clear, what I first posted was bounded by a simple salutation and the conclusion of “I would be happy to interview with you.”

I have no problem with a 5 sentence cover letter, just not those 5 sentences!

She is a she.

Sheesh people. I wasn’t commenting on the quality of the applicant, merely making an addition to a thread titled “Resume/Cover Letter Funnies”

If only all our employees were willing to fight to the zenith.

Another great snippet from today’s batch:

EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND
A VERY STRONG ACADEMIC HISTORY.
GRADUATE WITH HONORS.
COLLEGE COURSES COMPLETE.

Huh. Graduate? Can’t even spell Honours properly.

You put (sic) after the word “advisor”. Why?

Advisor Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

First post is a grammar nit? Good start!

Pedants unite!

Spelling, actually…lol. I dunno, if you are gonna throw stones…just sayin’. The poster of the thread was the nitpicker; I just thought it was funny that he didn’t know how to spell “advisor”.

Correction made. Welcome to the board, new poster!

A “wine advisor” at Costco? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…

As far as I can tell, there is no such position at Costco. There is someone who stocks the wine bins, but they don’t hang around to actively sell the merchandise. The only “advice” I’ve seen them give is to show you in which bin the Mondavi Fume Blanc is located…

Bruce

This may be a function of how long one has been using the language and where:

"According to the Cambridge Guide to English Usage:

Both these spellings are in current use, though adviser is the dominant spelling in both the US and the UK. The ratio in American data from CCAE is 20:1 and in British data from the BNC it’s 6:1. Curiously, advisor is sometimes said to be “the American spelling.” Whatever its past, advisor is registered alongside adviser in major British, American, Canadian and Australian dictionaries."

I agree, you gonna throw stones then do it with proper spelling and syntax.