Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

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Mark Golodetz
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#51 Post by Mark Golodetz » March 1st, 2020, 7:39 am

I would not bring glassware, but if I did I would change the narrative.

I think the problem is in saying yours are good and theirs are not. Instead, bring Burgundy and Burgundy glasses. It allows you to be geeky and not condescending.
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#52 Post by Gerhard P. » March 1st, 2020, 8:17 am

Seriously - if they are good friends you can work out anything with them, that´s what friends do ...

Tell them you´ll bring a "nice" wine, but that you feel it will even show better in "special glassware" - and bring glasses with you - for them and for you. Then leave all glasses for them to keep.
Next time you are invited they are already equipped ...
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#53 Post by AndrewH » March 1st, 2020, 8:23 am

Neal.Mollen wrote:
February 29th, 2020, 12:59 pm
I wouldn't gift them glasses. But I might give them some.
[thankyou.gif]

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#54 Post by SeanHarding » March 1st, 2020, 8:40 am

Sarah Kirschbaum wrote:
March 1st, 2020, 5:46 am
The only time I've given a gift of glasses knowing it was really for my own benefit was to my parents.
My parents got wine glasses for Christmas this year [highfive.gif]

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#55 Post by Greg Mitrakas » March 1st, 2020, 9:09 am

Wow there is a whole lot of thinking going on in this thread.

My .02 is: Love the suggestion of a gift. Get a six pack of good versatile stems, nothing too high end, something on sale, bring them over as a host present, and break them in with your bottles. It may be a little more than the usual host present; but if they are good friends, who cares and you will really enjoy your night. Also going forward they will be able to enjoy them with and without you.

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#56 Post by Jonathan Loesberg » March 1st, 2020, 9:10 am

Normally,I would think it to be bad manners to scorn the glassware at a place to which you have been invited to dinner. But in this case, you have been specifically identified as someone who knows good wine and have been requested to bring nice wine. Under these circumstances, I don't think it out of line to say to your neighbors beforehand that you find that particular stems increase the pleasure of tasting the wine and asking if you can bring some. You might even ask if they would want to taste test the wines in different glasses to see for themselves. I think you will find that they will not be offended.

And "gift" has been a verb in English for centuries despite the efforts of sometimes even very famous objectors, such as Samuel Johinson. It is still a verb at least in the OED. This is a battle that has been lost since before any of us were born.

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#57 Post by Al Osterheld » March 1st, 2020, 9:34 am

The only time I've given a gift of glasses knowing it was really for my own benefit was to my parents.
Yes, parents are a different situation.

My parents enjoyed crystal glasses (eg, vintage Cape Cod). I bought them a set of Waterford wine glasses (and other serveware). Sucked as wine glasses, but they loved them and used them for special occasions.

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#58 Post by HoosJustinG » March 1st, 2020, 10:00 am

This might be my favorite phrase I've ever read on an internet message board: "It's not even intriguingly eccentric" ... I just chuckle at the list of things that might fall into this category.

FWIW: My approach would be just roll with the punches/glasses and not to bring $300 wine.

If their glasses REALLY suck, Id' say: "I have a few different ideas in mind ... can you share what you're thinking of preparing and what style wine stems you have? I know how fantastic you are in the kitchen and I want to make sure that the wine I bring stacks up." Then they say hey here's what we got and you say "Awesome ... I was actually thinking of bringing over some ______ which would show fantastically in _____. Would you be terribly insulted if I brought over some stems as well so the wine can keep up with the food?" Then I go to Bed Bath & Beyond and buy some decent Bordeaux/Universal glasses with a 20% off coupon. When I head over (early before guests arrive) I mention to my hosts that the stems are theirs to keep and thanks for the invite. Next time I have to bring wine to their house, I don't have to worry about it.
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#59 Post by Christopher Dunn » March 1st, 2020, 10:05 am

It is a "casual dinner" before a concert. So, screw the "teaching" opportunity and gifting glasses. Be casual, have fun, and f***k the glasses.

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#60 Post by dsimmons » March 1st, 2020, 10:11 am

Don't take glasses to dinner but when a birthday or Xmas rolls around you know what to give. I've actually done this several times.
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#61 Post by Brady Daniels » March 1st, 2020, 10:57 am

I wouldn't bring glasses, either.

But I’d probably end up cleaning their glasses before pouring, which might be even ruder.

Seriously, I dislike drinking fine wine from musty glasses more than from small glasses.
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#62 Post by John A Hunt » March 1st, 2020, 11:20 am

The glasses wouldn't be a big deal to a lot of people, but you are asking, so it must be for you.

Bring the wine, bring glasses, and under no circumstances take the glasses with you upon departure.

"We really have too many glasses, and you would be doing me a favor if I could just leave them."

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#63 Post by John Davis » March 1st, 2020, 11:30 am

Another bring the wine but not the glasses or a glass opinion. If you want to bring a bit lesser, but by no means mediocre, wine, fine if the stem issues is that much of an problem. Have them over to your place and have light discussion about glassware, maybe. Give them stems next opportunity or occasion. Or, just break a few of theirs and say, “Sorry, guess I owe you new glasses. Oddly enough I have some extras in my car”. 😁
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#64 Post by GregT » March 1st, 2020, 11:34 am

Mattstolz wrote:
March 1st, 2020, 6:44 am
remember that even if you "gift" them glasses that night, there's a good chance that they would want to run them through the dishwasher or clean them before using anyways. I know I typically do that with any dishware or stems before I ever use them.
Oh God yes! Who would EVER use a glass from the store without washing it? But I rinse glasses I take from our cupboard. I do that ever since I lived in a place where they had a cockroach problem. In my current house, there are spiders and moths and try as you may, you never really get rid of them all. Nothing like taking a sip of wine only to ingest a nice bit of web.

And that's another thing about bringing your glasses. What do you carry them in? An open container? A box? And do you rinse them before use? If not, and they have picked up the inevitable cardboardy aromas and flavors from the tube/box/shipper, you've just demonstrated that your entire justification for bringing them is BS. Your nose and palate is so delicate and perceptive that you need special glasses to reveal the most subtle characteristics of your wine but you can't pick up off flavors and aromas from your shipping package?

I love the idea of breaking a few of their glasses though!
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#65 Post by David Baum » March 1st, 2020, 12:14 pm


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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#66 Post by Matthew King » March 1st, 2020, 1:12 pm

I know the suspense has been killing you all ...

I went with the slight-downgrade-in-wines-brought-and-don't-sweat-the-glasses option.

Had it been a more "formal" wine education, contemplative type of dinner, I would have brought the stems and aged Burgundy. I could've explained why they better showcase special wines and not have appeared too fussy and condescending -- at least I think I could have.

Instead, I selected two 2017 wines: Rouget's Bourgogne Aligote and an Enfield Pinot from Heron Lake in Napa. My hosts loved the wines' freshness and ebullience. Because they aren't ponderous or deeply contemplative wines, it didn't matter really that they weren't served in Zaltos. The bright Rouget worked well with a lemony kale salad and the savory, high-acid Enfield complemented a very, very mild chicken curry.

The glasses were actually different than my last visit, where we had buffet-style goblets. Last night it was stemless bowls and no one thought twice about the damn glasses! (Only me in my head and thinking about all the posts I had read in advance of the dinner ...)

It was a lovely evening of good wine, good friends, good food, good music. Moral of story: Don't overthink things!
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#67 Post by Jim Stewart » March 1st, 2020, 2:18 pm

Nice !
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#68 Post by Neal.Mollen » March 1st, 2020, 2:22 pm

well done
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#69 Post by GregT » March 1st, 2020, 5:20 pm

David Baum wrote:
March 1st, 2020, 12:14 pm
+1

neener

And well done Matthew! Don't ever let them see this thread!
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#70 Post by PaulMills » March 1st, 2020, 5:40 pm

GregT wrote:
March 1st, 2020, 11:34 am
Mattstolz wrote:
March 1st, 2020, 6:44 am
remember that even if you "gift" them glasses that night, there's a good chance that they would want to run them through the dishwasher or clean them before using anyways. I know I typically do that with any dishware or stems before I ever use them.
Oh God yes! Who would EVER use a glass from the store without washing it? But I rinse glasses I take from our cupboard. I do that ever since I lived in a place where they had a cockroach problem. In my current house, there are spiders and moths and try as you may, you never really get rid of them all. Nothing like taking a sip of wine only to ingest a nice bit of web.

And that's another thing about bringing your glasses. What do you carry them in? An open container? A box? And do you rinse them before use? If not, and they have picked up the inevitable cardboardy aromas and flavors from the tube/box/shipper, you've just demonstrated that your entire justification for bringing them is BS. Your nose and palate is so delicate and perceptive that you need special glasses to reveal the most subtle characteristics of your wine but you can't pick up off flavors and aromas from your shipping package?

I love the idea of breaking a few of their glasses though!

Late to the thread here, but I would not take glasses. Take wine appropriate for their stems or a step above their stems, and make due. We have some friends that host us with some frenquency and we always take wine, but never glasses.

I take glasses to the Stolz house because they are fellow geeks and understand my desire to have my own glasses. Since I seem to be missing either a Grassal or a Zalto, I may ask him to bring one of his to our house in two weeks.

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#71 Post by Rauno E (NZ) » March 1st, 2020, 6:52 pm

Absolutely bring glasses to go with the wine. I've done that several times, never been received badly. Why would it? They know you're into wine - decent glasses are part of that.
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#72 Post by ToddHansen » March 2nd, 2020, 10:31 am

A couple decades ago, I had only cheap wine glasses despite being a neophyte wine lover. I just didn't know better and, hell, our furniture was mostly free stuff I found on the street or at a scratch-and-dent outlet. We were pretty much scraping by and living in a small apartment in SF. We always ate and drank above our income.

We invited a friend over for dinner one night (we only had two chairs, so I sat on a stool that did double duty as a nightstand). Our friend arrived with some decent (not extraordinary) stems along with a nice bottle of Mendocino pinot noir. I took no umbrage and really appreciated her thoughtfulness. I immediately perceived that the wine was better from a better stem and never looked back. This was a leap forward in my wine education, courtesy of our friend.

When it comes to wine, a thoughtful gift will typically be welcome.
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#73 Post by PHuff » March 2nd, 2020, 5:40 pm

Glen Gold wrote:
February 29th, 2020, 12:27 pm
If they're good cooks, they appreciate good equipment, right? If everyone is friends and they're asking you to bring your A game, bring the stems.
I posted about a month ago about a special deal on Riedel wine glasses at of all places Best Buy. The deal was for four really nice glasses for $10 (Cab, or Pinot, or Chardonnay). Regular price was $40 for 4. I bought four-4 packs of the Pinot glasses to use for large gathering at our house, or to gift just for this type of situation. I should have bought like 10 sets. It solves a lot of issues like this, you bring your fine wines and a 4-pack of glasses and offer them as a gift to the hosts......a win/win for everyone
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#74 Post by Paul McCourt » March 2nd, 2020, 7:40 pm

There is no way in hell I’m bringing glasses. I don’t think I’ll ever care about wine enough to do so or not be able to enjoy wine out of shitty glasses enough to do so.

I’m bringing good wine, I’m gonna enjoy drinking it out of whatever glass or shoe they pour it in, and I’m not giving it another thought.
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#75 Post by Carl Steefel » March 2nd, 2020, 7:58 pm

Still remembering that 2001 Quintarelli Valpolicello and how it showed almost nothing out of those glasses. A crime against nature (and humanity)...

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#76 Post by John Morris » March 2nd, 2020, 9:04 pm

Paul McCourt wrote:
March 2nd, 2020, 7:40 pm
There is no way in hell I’m bringing glasses. I don’t think I’ll ever care about wine enough to do so or not be able to enjoy wine out of shitty glasses enough to do so.

I’m bringing good wine, I’m gonna enjoy drinking it out of whatever glass or shoe they pour it in, and I’m not giving it another thought.
Have you ever done side-by-side tastings of the same wine out of different glasses?
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#77 Post by Paul McCourt » March 3rd, 2020, 7:44 am

John Morris wrote:
March 2nd, 2020, 9:04 pm
Paul McCourt wrote:
March 2nd, 2020, 7:40 pm
There is no way in hell I’m bringing glasses. I don’t think I’ll ever care about wine enough to do so or not be able to enjoy wine out of shitty glasses enough to do so.

I’m bringing good wine, I’m gonna enjoy drinking it out of whatever glass or shoe they pour it in, and I’m not giving it another thought.
Have you ever done side-by-side tastings of the same wine out of different glasses?
I fully understand the value of a good wine glass.
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#78 Post by Mike Cohen » March 3rd, 2020, 8:54 am

Paul McCourt wrote:
March 2nd, 2020, 7:40 pm
There is no way in hell I’m bringing glasses. I don’t think I’ll ever care about wine enough to do so or not be able to enjoy wine out of shitty glasses enough to do so.

I’m bringing good wine, I’m gonna enjoy drinking it out of whatever glass or shoe they pour it in, and I’m not giving it another thought.
Paul,

I'm with you 100%. First, I don't care enough. Second, to me, there is an incredibly weird social aspect to this.

I've been to many wine dinners in NYC where we've brought stems knowing the restaurants stemware wasn't adequate. But this is something completely different.

As an aside, there are two local places by me, one is a Greek place, the other more Middle Eastern. Both restaurants are super QPR's. The quality of the meal vastly exceeds the cost. Both places have shitty wine glasses. I know this in advance. Now I could bring stems, but I'd rather just bring a solid QPR wine that I'm happy to enjoy out of shitty glasses and save the DRC Romanee Conti for another meal.

I remember a conversation with a guy in my extended group of wine buddies. At the time we were in our late 20's, early 30's. He was single and going on blind dates. He told me a story about taking a blind date to a BYO in the West Village (Tartine) and bringing wine (to be expected, it's a BYO) and bringing stems. I asked him if they went out on a second date. He said he wanted to, but she never returned his call. No shit Sherlock! She was looking for a normal dude, not the guy who brings his own wine glasses to the first date (or any date).

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#79 Post by Paul McCourt » March 3rd, 2020, 8:59 am

Mike Cohen wrote:
March 3rd, 2020, 8:54 am
Paul McCourt wrote:
March 2nd, 2020, 7:40 pm
There is no way in hell I’m bringing glasses. I don’t think I’ll ever care about wine enough to do so or not be able to enjoy wine out of shitty glasses enough to do so.

I’m bringing good wine, I’m gonna enjoy drinking it out of whatever glass or shoe they pour it in, and I’m not giving it another thought.
Paul,

I'm with you 100%. First, I don't care enough. Second, to me, there is an incredibly weird social aspect to this.

I've been to many wine dinners in NYC where we've brought stems knowing the restaurants stemware wasn't adequate. But this is something completely different.

As an aside, there are two local places by me, one is a Greek place, the other more Middle Eastern. Both restaurants are super QPR's. The quality of the meal vastly exceeds the cost. Both places have shitty wine glasses. I know this in advance. Now I could bring stems, but I'd rather just bring a solid QPR wine that I'm happy to enjoy out of shitty glasses and save the DRC Romanee Conti for another meal.

I remember a conversation with a guy in my extended group of wine buddies. At the time we were in our late 20's, early 30's. He was single and going on blind dates. He told me a story about taking a blind date to a BYO in the West Village (Tartine) and bringing wine (to be expected, it's a BYO) and bringing stems. I asked him if they went out on a second date. He said he wanted to, but she never returned his call. No shit Sherlock! She was looking for a normal dude, not the guy who brings his own wine glasses to the first date (or any date).
I don't think it some horrid thing to gift someone glasses...I can only speak for me, and my attitude.
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#80 Post by Mike Cohen » March 3rd, 2020, 9:14 am

Paul McCourt wrote:
March 3rd, 2020, 8:59 am
Mike Cohen wrote:
March 3rd, 2020, 8:54 am
Paul McCourt wrote:
March 2nd, 2020, 7:40 pm
There is no way in hell I’m bringing glasses. I don’t think I’ll ever care about wine enough to do so or not be able to enjoy wine out of shitty glasses enough to do so.

I’m bringing good wine, I’m gonna enjoy drinking it out of whatever glass or shoe they pour it in, and I’m not giving it another thought.
Paul,

I'm with you 100%. First, I don't care enough. Second, to me, there is an incredibly weird social aspect to this.

I've been to many wine dinners in NYC where we've brought stems knowing the restaurants stemware wasn't adequate. But this is something completely different.

As an aside, there are two local places by me, one is a Greek place, the other more Middle Eastern. Both restaurants are super QPR's. The quality of the meal vastly exceeds the cost. Both places have shitty wine glasses. I know this in advance. Now I could bring stems, but I'd rather just bring a solid QPR wine that I'm happy to enjoy out of shitty glasses and save the DRC Romanee Conti for another meal.

I remember a conversation with a guy in my extended group of wine buddies. At the time we were in our late 20's, early 30's. He was single and going on blind dates. He told me a story about taking a blind date to a BYO in the West Village (Tartine) and bringing wine (to be expected, it's a BYO) and bringing stems. I asked him if they went out on a second date. He said he wanted to, but she never returned his call. No shit Sherlock! She was looking for a normal dude, not the guy who brings his own wine glasses to the first date (or any date).
I don't think it some horrid thing to gift someone glasses...I can only speak for me, and my attitude.
Neither do I. But I'm pretty confident that you would bring the gift in a socially acceptable manner. Not a "hey, your wine glasses are so pathetic I had to gift you some so I could use them when I'm at your house".

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#81 Post by Doug Schulman » March 3rd, 2020, 9:23 am

I think it's funny that so many people are uptight about bringing glasses. I bring them to people's houses all the time. Usually the people are glad and thankful, because I'm the "wine guy" and they were concerned that their glasses weren't very good. If it needs any explanation at all, it's along the lines of me being such a wine nerd that I keep "travel glasses" in my car, being that concerned with glassware. That usually generates a couple of chuckles and we move on. I guess if someone is somehow personally offended that I brought my own glasses for all of us to use, maybe they're not my kind of people.

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#82 Post by Paul McCourt » March 3rd, 2020, 9:33 am

Not bringing glasses doesn’t necessarily mean the primary concern is offending them. Hell, if that was the issue my wife wouldn’t bring me.
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#83 Post by Hoang Pham » March 3rd, 2020, 4:26 pm

Ahh the pains of becoming a wine glass snob. I completely understand. Drinking great wine out of bad glassware is just so unenjoyable.

What would I do? Bring the wine. B.s. the hosts that you just picked up some new AMAZING stems, and they are in your car. Ask if they want to try the new glassware too, because you've heard how GREAT they are! That way you look like less of an ass, still get to drink out of your good glassware, without donating it to them. WIN WIN! [snort.gif]

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#84 Post by Doug Schulman » March 3rd, 2020, 5:29 pm

Paul McCourt wrote:
March 3rd, 2020, 9:33 am
Not bringing glasses doesn’t necessarily mean the primary concern is offending them. Hell, if that was the issue my wife wouldn’t bring me.
Then why not?

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#85 Post by Tom G l a s g o w » March 3rd, 2020, 6:02 pm

Doug Schulman wrote:
March 3rd, 2020, 5:29 pm
Paul McCourt wrote:
March 3rd, 2020, 9:33 am
Not bringing glasses doesn’t necessarily mean the primary concern is offending them. Hell, if that was the issue my wife wouldn’t bring me.
Then why not?
Not everyone wants to be full on wine OCD at social events. It’s a party not a tasting.

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#86 Post by Paul McCourt » March 3rd, 2020, 7:59 pm

Tom G l a s g o w wrote:
March 3rd, 2020, 6:02 pm
Doug Schulman wrote:
March 3rd, 2020, 5:29 pm
Paul McCourt wrote:
March 3rd, 2020, 9:33 am
Not bringing glasses doesn’t necessarily mean the primary concern is offending them. Hell, if that was the issue my wife wouldn’t bring me.
Then why not?
Not everyone wants to be full on wine OCD at social events. It’s a party not a tasting.
Pretty much this.
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#87 Post by Robert M yers » March 4th, 2020, 6:15 am

My good friends all know I’m into wine. Many do not know HOW into wine I am. I’ve learned unless they show continued interest there is a place to stop with the geekiness. For me, bringing glasses to their house is beyond that line.

If I’m going to their house then the focus is on the company and the food they’ve prepared. I’m going to bring a nice wine and be happy drinking it out of jars.

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#88 Post by Jeff_M. » March 4th, 2020, 6:40 am

I actually bought a pair of Grassl 1855s for my father in law to keep at their house so I had a nicer glass to drink out of when I'm there. Might be a little different since its family but I had to upgrade my glass game when drinking over there.
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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#89 Post by James Lyon » March 4th, 2020, 6:45 am

How about another angle? Perhaps you have a few of the Grassl stems. You can spin it that you are helping a (wineberserker) friend and looking for some feedback on the stems. Everyone wins. If you don't have any Grassl's, then maybe you should consider some new stems for similar occasions. They are really nice stems.

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#90 Post by James Lyon » March 4th, 2020, 6:45 am

Jeff beat me to the Grassl's. Well done.

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#91 Post by Frank B » March 4th, 2020, 6:46 am

Matthew King wrote:
March 1st, 2020, 1:12 pm
I know the suspense has been killing you all ...

I went with the slight-downgrade-in-wines-brought-and-don't-sweat-the-glasses option.

Had it been a more "formal" wine education, contemplative type of dinner, I would have brought the stems and aged Burgundy. I could've explained why they better showcase special wines and not have appeared too fussy and condescending -- at least I think I could have.

Instead, I selected two 2017 wines: Rouget's Bourgogne Aligote and an Enfield Pinot from Heron Lake in Napa. My hosts loved the wines' freshness and ebullience. Because they aren't ponderous or deeply contemplative wines, it didn't matter really that they weren't served in Zaltos. The bright Rouget worked well with a lemony kale salad and the savory, high-acid Enfield complemented a very, very mild chicken curry.

The glasses were actually different than my last visit, where we had buffet-style goblets. Last night it was stemless bowls and no one thought twice about the damn glasses! (Only me in my head and thinking about all the posts I had read in advance of the dinner ...)

It was a lovely evening of good wine, good friends, good food, good music. Moral of story: Don't overthink things!

Well done! Glad to hear it turned out to be a nice evening! [cheers.gif]
Frank Baldi

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Re: Guest etiquette: Wine glasses

#92 Post by Art R » March 4th, 2020, 6:54 am

And don't insult the hosts by bringing stems!
Rose

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