Contrary to many others, I have no love for Bob Parker...

There’s nothing good that can be said about this “Parker” person. On the contrary, he’s been a detrimental force throughout my life and for that, I despise him.

In fact, I’m very ANGRY at that Big Chimp in Hillbilly Land. Had it not been for him, I would be a person with a considerable stash of money in my bank account, much more so than this pathetic number that keeps staring at me when I check today’s balance sheet online. I’m also very annoyed at him because he has basically prevented me from choosing my style of living quarters, since I can’t even live in a normal apartment like many of my friends, because of that damn pile of cases upon cases of wine bottles that forces me to choose a housing where storage is adequately cool. I hate him for what he has been doing with my vacation and travel plans. Here I’ve been travelling the world since at young age, visiting so many diverse, exotic and interesting places around the world like Rio de Janeiro, Solomon islands, Nambia, etc, and would have loved to continue exploring new places of culture and history and instead I’m basically commuting to same old, (really SAME OLD) places like Napa, Sonoma, Russian River Valley, Santa Cruz Mountains, Paso Robles, Santa Barbara, Barossa, Chateauneuf, Loire, Alsace, Barolo, Barbaresco, Chianti, Brunello, Maremma, Mosel, Nahe, Rheinhessen (vineyards, vineyards, vineyards…), meeting with mostly the same people, having these endleeees dicussions on wine and tasting uncountable amounts of…wine. Wine, wine, wine…

I’m not at all happy about the pee problem either, to which he should take a major blame. This damn feeling of almost exploding inside when you stand there in damp, cold cellars in winter, tasting barrel sample after barrel sample with winemakers all over the world while having that feeling that you just need to…pee. Very uncomfortable! Especially since it feels it was only five minutes ago you were visiting the rest room. So many “thanks” for that, Bob. Most of all, I dislike him for preventing me to gain so may new potential friends I could very likely have encountered in my life, had it not been this “disease” he inflicted upon me because of his damn writing style and passion for something so utterly unecessary as wine. I mean, after all, there are so many more important REAL things out there than just this irrelevent nonsense of fermented grape juice forced into a bottle. What’s so bloody special about that!? I could have had such a variety of friends and instead…what do I get? I’m surrounded by these passionate “friends” all over who nag about getting together and sharing a bottle of wine and these constant invitations to dinners and wine tastings when, in fact, I could have visited a museum with a friend who has no interest whatsoever in this damn thing called wine. Not to mention all this constant nagging from all sorts of people when I’m tavelling these days, insisting that we ought to meet yada-yada-yada and share a glass together - and THIS might even be the most disturbing thing of all, that your so called “hero”, this “Parker” guy, whom you speak so fondly about, actually has ignited this ridiculopus thing called passion in so many people around the world, that they - sometimes COMPLETE STRANGERS - have the audacity to actually contact me and invite me into their homes and meet their families just because that old hillbilly Gorilla somehow reminds us all that wine brings people together. Ha! Preposterous!

As if that wouldn’t be enough, there’s the weight issue. I not a lawyer so I don’t know the litigation possibilities and the chances of actually suing this Parker guy. Henry, any feedback on that? You can cheer for him all you want but I for one know that his so called “passion” hasn’t given me a better health. I spoke to a doctor recently and complained I can’t seem to loose weight. “We’ll, tell me, how do you eat and exercise?”, the doctor asked me. I told him the truth. I had skipped all forms of candy, cookies, desserts, I skipped drinking coffee because I like to drink it with sugar, no more ice-cream and chocolate and I do regular power-walks for 1-2 hours and visit the gym on a regular basis. “Now THAT’S strange!”, said the doctor, visibly confused and puzzled. After a second or two, he asked me “Do you drink wine?”. Well… Apparently his smile to my answer meant the case was closed. Now THANK YOU so bloody very much for THAT, you Parker person! I could have been a slim muscle machine had in not been for that damn bug that bit me and you are all to blame for it - instead you receive these pathetic cheers when you should rather be lambasted!

In summary, I have no love - quite apparently - for this hillbilly pretending to be an advocate. On the contrary, he has affected my life and the life of so many of my friends, both here in Stockholm and around the world, that gratitutde is the last thing I’d give him. Sure, if I’d been forced -reluctantly - to come up with just ONE meager positive, no matter how insignificant (and oh boy, does it mean almost nothing to me and hence is of almost no personal value), it would be the opportunity to meet a humble, generous, kind, no-nonsense, old-school farmer boy with the physical body of a man but with an inside mentality of a curious child to all good things in life, reminding me that many extraordinary things in life come not from one individual, but that just as there would be no Klaus-Peter without a Julia (Keller) and no Helmut without a Gaby (Dönnhoff), there would also never be an R without his P. The stars in heaven were aligned perfectly that day when these constellations met and created an extraordinary legacy to the rest of the world.

My two cents, as it were.

Hi Miran,

To which nobly named Henry are you referring?

[dance-clap.gif] Bravo!

Mods, can we move this to the Curmudgeon thread? :wink:

Helicopter, helicopter!

I had completely forgotten about that!

I’m jealous of you

I couldn’t even get through a quarter of what the OP wrote. Some one care to post the cliff notes version?

tl;dr
He likesRobert Parker, and loves irony.
I think.

I am laughing like crazy at your comment.
I have no idea if The Squires (Parker) Board is still alive, but many of us who were there or a long time remember Miran well. I had not connected The Helicopter with him - was just interested that he is over here posting.

Now if we could get Charlie Luhta (little black dress) and Mango from FL (Donkey Kong)on here, this board would be complete.

He likes Parker and needed his own thread to say so for some reason

Miran is blaming his station in life on Robert Parker, because Parker turned him on to wine…to the point of obsession. Life-changing, if you will.

And yes, it is lengthy and tongue-in-cheek. There, you don’t have to read it!

Brian, I feel your pain. There are of course everyday challenges with that type of limitation but don’t despair - nowadays there are so many ways of getting help.

Short Attention Span test

Type of Reading Disability

Symtoms and Treatment

…but it was quite amusing.

TY

Miran, thank you for helicoptering in…we have missed you…fortunately I have already had 3 glasses of wine tonight so I was able to follow your somewhat shorter than usual thread.

Miran - Thank you.
That was humorous; not quite helicopter funny, but humorous nonetheless.
Salud!

Someone should recycle that old thread . . . .

https://www.wineberserkers.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=695099#p695099