You should start out by buying 250 bottles of Napa cabs, increasing in price and cult status in an exponential curve. You are allowed to spend an additional 50 bottles on monster zins, Napa chardonnay, domestic dessert wines, and an occasional domestic syrah or grenache, so long as they’re massive.
After consuming 100 of those, you’ll likely decide that maybe you do want to dabble in pinot noir, at which point you should seek out massive domestic pinot noir from the Russian River area, or possibly even warmer pinot climes.
At some time during that adventure, you will be introduced to Super Tuscans, which you will likely think are awesome and you might finally figure out what that “earthy” descriptor actually referred to…or at least you’ll think you will. After stocking up only on big names and finding out that Tignanello really is overrated, you might be persuaded by that one buddy of yours to attend a tasting of bordeaux from 2009 and 2010.
You’ll go in thinking one thing and leave thinking that perhaps you should sell your wife’s car and just buy a bunch of cases of Pavie, Lascombes, and Le Dome. Eventually you’ll be turned on to more classically styled bordeaux, which will spark wonderful debates about the smell of pencil lead, graphite, sharpened pencil, cedar, and cigar box. You probably won’t know what people mean when they say “oh that’s classic Pauillac” and will learn in blind tastings that neither do they. But you’ll like it.
All of a sudden some of those Grenaches and even pinots will seem too sweet and heavy, and you’ll want something light. You’ll begin to dabble in Oregon pinot and maybe even get seduced into Burgundy, at which time your 600 bottle cellar with $50 bottles will shrink to a 126 bottle cellar with wines at prices you hide from your significant other. You may even go to far down the rabbit hole and convince yourself that $350 village wine is totally worth it, at which point your wine journey has almost hit rock bottom.
You may come to, reject your Burgundy habit like the all-consuming opioid addiction that it is and seek out esoteric and significantly cheaper wines to sate your lust for wine experiences. You’ll start talking about “this interesting tanat” and note green beans on that savennieres. You may try to convince yourself that aligote is as good or better than meursault, and chill with your one pal that drinks wine like you do over a nice Gru-V or a sparburgunder that you try to convince yourself isn’t too acidic and lean.
Eventually, you’ll realize that you like a nice balance of things, and that all wines have their place. You’ll find your consumption relatively consistent year in and year out, and begin buying to address those relative constants without caring that you don’t have 2 cases of riesling, any suaternes, or even a single malbec. You’ll have what you like, know what you like, and have lived a wonderful journey that is all your own.