Myself and 4 other friends (we are in our late 30s and early 40s), started to have wine get together dinner parties at out homes. The spouses are invited and usually attend.
The way it has evolved is that we take turns hosting the event in our own homes. The host picks the theme and buys all the wine, usually around 6 bottles. Host also buys and prepares the dinner food. We divide the cost of the wine by 5 and each person pays (including the host).
We have had 4 of them so far and plan to have the last one of the first cycle in October.
As we are about to start another cycle I was thinking of asking if there is anything that they would like to change?
Whenever we have a get together it is never clear when the next one will be or who the host will be. I see value in strengthenng this aspect more so it is clear who is hosting and when (at least what month). The idea would be to have 5 get togethers a year, roughly every other month and perhaps omitting November and December due to the often busy holiday season. Looking for ideas on which months to omit? Or the contrary which 5 months of the year to hold them. Note most of the members have school aged children.
What if a member can’t make one of the events or cancels last minute. Should that member still have to pay?
Also we need to communicate food aversions and or diet restrictions. There is a vegetarian in the group, and a couple of others that don’t eat red meat. Two events passed and the hosts did not recognize this.
Currently host provides one glass to each person. If we were to consider a glass per wine we would then ask each person to bring their own glasses.
I forgot to mention an item that has came up, its an etiquette topic. Since its ongoing and we all take turns hosting does it make sense for people to bring a host / hostess gift? Part of me thinks no. Would it be considered rude to walk in empty handed?
Similarly there are the gushing thank you emails that follow every event ( I am guilty of this). Can’t we just say thank you at the end of the event and that be it?
good suggestion, this has crossed my mind before and I looked into it. I found a restaurant that would do this but it couldn’t be a Friday or Saturday night, they would actually waive the fee completely. However w hav the events on a Saturday.
For now I still want to explore ideas for rotating houses.
This is just how society is, and for me just evidences that you’ve got decent people, who want to be polite and thankful. Based on this happening, I think you’ve got a group who will naturally ensure others don’t lose out. Indeed the biggest risk is probably each trying harder each time to ensure they are pulling their weight in the group. That can be a genuine risk as everyone subconsciously ‘ups the stakes’ in trying to be fair and generous. For now, I agree you’re over-sweating it.
I really do like the idea of introducing the restaurant, and at the minimum, that’s the problem of 5 into 12 not going, so the extra 2 months are at a restaurant. I’d suggest one of them being January, as if people do a lot of entertaining over xmas, this gives them a break, plus the restaurants may well welcome 10 people with corkage in January, as trade may be down.
It is worth considering what role food plays for the participants. For some the food may be just as important as the wine. Ours started off as a wine tasting circle with basic ‘background’ food, then the friendships built, partners started attending and the food grew from being fancier (but still secondary) to now an equal partner to the wine, but secondary to the friendships. It’s not really a tasting group now - we don’t take notes, but I’m very happy where it ended up.
It might be that there are keen amateur cooks in the group, and doing the events at home allow them the opportunity to try out their talents. Or they are intimidated by that side of it, and a restaurant takes that pressure off.
Host buying the wine - The only reason to do this is the host has a specific theme and they have the wines for people to try. OR, you’re really concerned that everyone pay the exact same amount and are worried that if people bring their own wine, this becomes a problem because someone will bring junk and others won’t…
Honestly, having done this in different countries…that is just never a concern. You’re also not splitting the cost for the food so this can’t really be considered a problem…
If you have all agreed people will host (and decide what food to make) then you can do the same with the wine. Set a theme so people can learn about wine and people will bring something they think is interesting within that theme. For those that know less about a region/theme then it’ll force them to look into it a bit…People won’t want to bring a stinker…and if someone does then the group will self regulate itself…but most people want to bring something other people will enjoy and that will push the educational part as well. It also allows for a bit of freedom and exploration. It also means someone who has the means and wants to share an expensive bottle, they can do it without having the group fund that (which may be out of their comfort zone price wise).
That also solves your bring a gift issue…everyone is bringing wine! Or you can have it so the guests bring wine…the host does the food…
For dietary requirements…your group will need to sort that out but it is a huge burden on the hosts to cater to everyone’s specific dietary requirements. This is why a restaurant ends up being such a good idea.
One of my wine groups (G12) meets monthly a member’s home or restaurant (rotating basis) of host’s choice. A theme (country, grape , Parker ratings etc) is declared 2-4 weeks ahead of the event and each person brings a compliant wine or the host can announce that he will supply all wines (cellar reducing effort). The food is always supplied by the host and additional bonus wines are usually served. This group has 12 permanent members and, if someone can’t attend , we have happy backup winos to invite.
12 members ,yearly scheduled,12 months works for us.
We went through something similar in our neighborhood.
We picked months at the beginning of year and avoided December and January. The host decided the theme and provided the main course and sent out an Evite explaining the details. We all brought 2 bottles of wine and side to pass that fit the theme. No money was exchanged. We set a minimum price for the wines. It worked fine for a few years until people started to move. It eventually died out, but it went well for at least few years.
The tasting group my wife and I are in doesn’t do host/hostess gifts. We do keep an upcoming tasting schedule on Facebook and people volunteer up to a year in advance (most are a couple of months in advance). Host/Hostess pick the varietal or blend type, and usually each couple brings a compliant wine (in a brown paper bag of course). We have a maximum cost most of the time, and a few have a minimum set instead. Has worked well for nearly 20 years now.
Our group of four couples has 4 dinners a year plus several impromptu mini tastings in between.
The host couple provides the main dish with others bringing appetizers, deserts, salads and sometimes sides. At impromptu events everyone brings an appetizer dish.
The theme is predetermined and each couple brings two bottles of theme whine. We also usually have a bubbly to start and a sticky to go with desert. The dinner events are normally 6-12 pm. At impromptu events we usually have half as much wine and they are usually 5:30-9 or 10.
Dinners are normally a Saturday evening while impromptu events are normally after work.
There was an excellent thread on this topic a few years ago. I’m not sure how to search for it, but it covered every conceivable issue, and had lots of suggestions.
Anyone else remember that? Any idea of a key word that would pull it up?
Yes, Jay, thanks. I’d forgotten that there were two such threads. Having been involved in a number of groups, including ones I’ve hosted, over 30+ years, I thought those discussions were excellent.
My guess is that if you make people pay for events they cannot attend or do not serve food people can eat (as a result of food aversions or allergies or diet restrictions), your group will not last long.
best bet would be to book a restaurant so people can order off a menu, these days people have such weird aversions, allergies and restrictions that I cant really be bothered entertaining at home anymore and catering to peoples needs (be they real or “life style choices”)
We make dinner for friends all the time and make adjustments to people’s needs. It really is not that big a deal. The needs of our friends are more important to us than the perfect meal.
When we have wine friends to dinner or go to their house, the usual practice among our group is that we set a theme and everyone brings a bottle rather than one person providing all the wine. Most of us have pretty large cellars so that we can do a variety of themes without much issue. Usually the host adds Champagne, whites and/or sweet wine.
As a result of this practice, nobody goes to anyone’s house empty-handed.
i think some communication would be a good idea it sounds like. maybe you should start a list of peoples food aversions/allergies so that everyone has it.
i think multiple glasses for an event like this is a definite must. it keeps people from needing to rush through a wine just to get to the next one, and lets you compare multiple wines at once.
as for some of the other things, I think part of it depends on the means of the group and how much money people wanna throw to this group. A restaurant is OK but its gonna be more expensive than going to a restaurant for wine dinners, even bringing your own. i personally love cooking for groups so i would choose doing this over paying 100 for restaurant food. not everyone wants to make that tradeoff. if everyone is committed to making a certain level of food and doesnt mind entertaining, i think the house thing is best, but it sounds like you need a schedule. if you are all splitting food and wine cost and have one person who enjoys cooking/entertaining, you could always keep the same house and rotate wine providers.