What is the Best (as in Funniest) Tasting Descriptor You've Heard?

WINE TALK
41

Adam -

This guy is $$$. I’ve been laughing my arse off.

Since I’m in FL, worth posting:

2/4/2013 - DOUBLEDOC LIKES THIS WINE: 91 points
Grew up in Florida. When I was 16, it was the hottest and most moist summer I can remember. The air was thick with humidity from sun-up, waiting to crack open into an early afternoon thunderstorm. While this made the moisture visible, there was no relief. As soon as the storm passed, the quick cooling gave way to a steam bath that made your skin sweat as soon as you exited any air conditioned area.

The stickiness of this wine recalls those days. The sweetness of being 16. The stickiness of that summer. Orange blossoms, raisins, honey, jasmine, syrup. Misspent dollars on cheap flea market colognes radiating unctuous sweetness in an effort to cover up the smoke on your clothing. Like the taste in your mouth after your first french kiss, there is a long finish. The viscosity of this wine makes you think that you could pour it on your mate like honey then lick it off. Unfortunately, its not real syrup and it pours like wine and most of it came off her immediately except for the part in her belly button, which was real tasty, but the rest was on the floor and made the first of several sticky messes.

Music: Breeders Last Splash-SOS. Sticky bass bombs, distortion, teenagerdom, sweetness, heroin

42

This one’s from the clothing industry but is transferable I think.

Years ago the designers at Levi’s sportswear division used to name all the colors on their fabric swatch cards for buyers to view and make buying decisions. I was such a buyer early on and recall one swatch card with a color called “Yellow Snow”. Actually IIRC it was pretty spot on, depending upon what one had been eating recently.

43

A super model’s armpit.

44

Chateau d’Yquem?

45

Many years ago, tasting group member, ITB, well known wine judge, fairly straight laced guy…
“little girl’s bicycle seat”

46

Subtle, yet succinct.

47

At one of the first tasting groups I ever joined…

“…it smells like a river in Scotland, with a dead rabbit in it…”

Evoking, we were told, a true childhood memory from a holiday in Scotland.

48

Harris Ranch is north of Bakersfield.

Sorry, couldn’t help myself.

49

Cote Rotie?

50

Gary V’s

“this smells like a garbage truck on fire”

still resonates nicely with me…

51

A friend’s wife uses great descriptors. My favorite:

“Tastes like a white gummy bear dropped in the dirt”

52

My buddy’s 8 year old kid when he smelled a cdp…“Two skunks on a log!”

53

These last two notes are awesome!

54

At dinner at a friend’s house where one of the wives came up with “cat pee on pine”. We all looked at one another saying “huhhhhh?” Then burst out laughing after thinking about it and realized she was dead on.

55

I literally laughed out loud at that one.

56

Chateau Talbot. I’ve met that smell again in a few wines since - it’s Brett.

57

It was a bit of an inside joke. There is a funny quip from a wine maker in Cotie Rotie, saying, good Côte-Rôtie should smell like “le ventre d’un lièvre chaud” (the gut of a warm hare). Chambers.

And I concur.

58

“Like the receptionist at a brothel; does the job but not very memorable”.

59

You may not like Parker, but this is a classic. 1975 Buena Vista:

The quintessential non-wine - no bouquet, no fruit, no flavor, and no finish. This wine, a hallmark to the excesses of modern day technology and those wonderful micropore sterile filters, is devoid of any personality, not to mention pleasure. I would rather chew my way through a cardboard box than put this wine down my gullet.

60

What was the food pairing? [stirthepothal.gif]