List THREE WORDS in a TN of a wine you're gonna dislike

For me, any critic’s report or TN saying the following will likely describe a wine I don’t care for:

“Hedonistic”
“Gobs”
“Blockbuster”

“Rich”
“Voluptuous”
“Soft”

These could even be used in manners I would find offensive, but that almost never happens.

The following tasting note pretty much captures it:

Deep, rich garnet color. The wine opens up with aromas of ripe berries, fresh cranberry, candy apple and malted vanilla, some of which carries through to the palate. There’s a hint of Granny Smith apple on first sip that beautifully balances out the rich cream soda and cherry cola notes. It is an extremely layered wine, both in structure and flavor, with a slight earthiness and sweet oak on the finish. The wine almost contradicts itself, managing to display freshness and maturity all at the same time, which is achieved through careful blending.

“Steroids”
“Gobs”
“Sex”

“Cult”
“Jammy”
“weighty”
“__ % new oak”
“fruit-forward”
“vanilla”

No thanks. I’m good, brah.

Monolithic
Insipid
Flaccid

Jammy

Buttery

Simple (I’m reaching.)

Well done!

This isn’t supposed to be things you’ve heard from an ex.

Green.
Bell pepper.
Raisin.
Reduction. OK, four.

Huge
Toasty
Hot

It might have been a little more interesting to word the question… “name three things listed in a tasting note that the author probably meant as positive attributes”. Obviously if a note writer says things such as dreck, insipid, flabby, sour, etc, it’s not a stretch that most of us would not like it. But if they note writer thought it was a good thing and it is obvious you wouldn’t like it. More interesting.

For me… “good with food” “delicate” and “new oak”

Closed
Cottony
Stewed

To be fair, when I read ‘gobs of fruit’, hedonistic etc. my dislike for the writer is greater than anything the wine could do to offend me. So ignoring the obvious warning signs that certain critics like to display…

‘Smooth’ has generally been a turn off for me, partly as it implies something where residual sugar has ironed out any rough spots / personality the wine may have had, but also as it is the word of choice amongst the general public to describe a wine they like. Smooth? Smooth?!!!??!! That’s the best word you can find for something you really liked? Milk shakes are ‘smooth’. Wine should be capable of a more striking impression. If I made wine and busted a gut all day everyday to make the best wine I could, I don’t think I could control my anger if someone described it as ‘smooth’.

Caramel can be a concern, often from ‘oak flavouring’, but also something that can come out in fading old wines (one of the tertiary flavours I rarely enjoy, despite being a fan of mature/over-mature wines).

Blackberry is becoming a bit of a warning sign for me. It used to be raspberry for overly weedy wines, but now the blackberry is something that may hint of an overly ‘dark’ wine.

Monster or monstrous
Oaky
Madeirized (in most instances–obviously some wines are intended to be madeirized.)

Green
Light-bodied
Stems (or associated descriptors)

Even if the note says “0% new oak”?

I don’t have the time to search critics’ notes for the word “cult,” but I bet there’s a note out there on a geeky wine you like that mentions its “cult following.”

You may have noticed he’s not so good with numbers.

I’ll add the word “polished” to the list. Polished is pretty much code for overworked.

How about these:

corked
VA
sweet (other than when intended, of course!)

Cheers

Robert
McDowell
Parker